My Ass Is Cold and I’m Tired of It

One of the most annoying things about winter is the fact that my ASS is always cold. Always.

I stopped wearing two pairs of pants, a couple of days ago, when the temps hit the 40s and 50s. My ass was still cold. It’s in the 20s today (windchill much colder than that) and MY ASS IS SO COLD I can’t even think of something to compare it to. It’s that cold.

I’d get up and put a second pair of pants on (flannel leggings underneath my fleece sweats) but it won’t help and will just make me even more annoyed that it’s March and I’m wearing TWO PAIRS OF PANTS IN MY HOUSE and MY ASS IS STILL COLD. That’s why I happily moved to ONE pair of pants for a couple of days (though I forgot that Great Lakes Naval Station is the coldest effing place on earth and froze MY ASS off when I had to pump gas in only one pair of pants on Sunday — though there was some idiot in shorts at the same damn time.)

The best thing about moving to the south in 27 months EXACTLY is that MY ASS WILL NOT BE COLD.

Damn it.

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