Cleaning House and Doing the Work

An open letter to anyone reading this who supports Donald Trump (who I will refer to from now on as “45” so that I don’t have to type his name again.),

I’ve always been a pretty moderate liberal. I was raised in the south, in a military family. Liberalism wasn’t something I was born to. I’ve occasionally voted for a conservative candidate and I’ve always felt like the way to influence others was to simply make personal connections and model the type of behavior and beliefs you’d like others to adhere to.

I’ve always felt like the “other side” deserved a voice and a platform and I’ve worked hard to give that to them. I’ve been friends with people whose experiences and views varied widely from my own and so long as they weren’t blatantly uncivil or aggressively attacking others, I felt OK about maintaining those relationships.

Quite often, this tactic worked. I’ve had many people tell me that I helped them change their way of thinking and acting simply by being who I was. I’ve had people thank me for sharing points of view and information that they’d never been exposed to because it helped them understand “others” better. I have had people tell me that they did not understand “gay people” until they got to know me and TW and were able to see us as just normal human beings with kids and jobs and dogs and a life that was very much like their own.

Everything should have been fine. Life should have gone on like that. It was good.

Except it was a lie. All of it.

I started noticing it awhile back, I don’t remember exactly when but it’s been in the last couple of years. People I thought I knew well, people I thought were decent human beings who just tended to vote the conservative ticket for fiscal reasons or religious reasons or normal reasons like that were displaying some behaviors and using language that concerned me.

So I started paying closer attention. I watched what those people “liked” on Facebook and what they didn’t “like.” I paid close attention to what they said and how they said it and I began to see the hate underneath.

I started posting more political content. I started stately plainly and clearly that “45” was not a qualified candidate. I stated clearly and plainly that the hatred he was campaigning on was not acceptable. I posted factual story after factual story and some of you got very quiet on my wall. Very quiet indeed.

It became apparent that some of you were actually going to support “45” and that was something that I could not tolerate.

If it had been any other conservative candidate, it might have been possible. But not this candidate.

This candidate is unqualified, in every way, to be president of the country that I love.
This candidate has a temperament that is completely unsuited for the position of president.
This candidate is a misogynist, racist, lying, xenophobe.
This candidate took advantage of your fear and used it against us all.
This candidate took advantage of the anger and hatred in your hearts and he used it to take control of this country.

I cannot and will not ignore this. I cannot pretend that I have any respect for people who supported (45). I cannot pretend like I have any desire to find common ground with any of you.

There is no common ground to be found.

You supported a candidate who has pledged to destroy every single thing I believe in. You supported hatred and racism and sexism and homophobia. You supported a candidate who is not qualified for the position.

I started unfriending people on Facebook, shortly before the election and have continued to do so every day. I’m sure I’ll be unfriending more of you. Luckily, I don’t see many of you face to face very often — but should that happen, we won’t be having a drink, I won’t be buying you coffee, and we won’t hang out reminiscing about days gone by.

I choose not to have relationships with people who support the calls for violence that occurred during “45’s” campaign. I choose not to have relationships with people who bought into the promises of “45” that will harm women, lgbt, minorities across the board and people who aren’t Christian.

Some of you were friends from school Some of you were friends from online message boards 20 years ago. Some of you were friends from work. Some of you are my family,

There are a million things I can do to make a difference in the lives of those who are in danger because of your votes. There are a million things I may have to do to keep myself and my children safe because of your votes. There are a million things I can do to make sure no president is ever elected by running a campaign based on hatred, ever again. And, I’m going to do those things.

The time I spent chatting with you on Facebook or playing Words With Friends with you or texting you or reading your blogs or being there for you when you needed someone .. that time will be spent on people who care about me, my partner, my children and the people of this country that you so blatantly threw into the fire with your votes.

I’ll miss you. Some of you terribly so.

If you ever come to understand just why I’m so angry and why you made such a horrendous choice for this country, I’d be happy to have a one on one conversation with you. But until then, I’m out. I have work to do.

5 thoughts on “Cleaning House and Doing the Work”

  1. I have no words. I stopped talking politics online when really awful hate words started bring tossed out when Obama was running and seeing ‘cunt’ everywhere in reference to Hilary was nothing short of disgusting. I’m just not willing to put my voice out there. I voted for Hilary, I’m donating to places that will need help in days to come and I, too, am silently unfollowing people. I can’t decide what horrifies me more, the fact that they supported and voted for ’45’ or that they are confused as to why people are frightened and hurt by that support. I mean, I grew up in a place where that kind of hate was pervasive, but seeing so many people who otherwise claim to be good go willfully blind to so many horrible FACTS…again, no words.

  2. Whew. We first connected back in the days of Gore v Bush, when discussion was of another Hillary (she of one ‘l’ and nominated for an Oscar.
    In some ways, the world was so different then. In some ways, it hasn’t changed since we were children. We changed our homes, our cars, our roads. We had some successes in attitudes, or so we thought. We gained legal protections, but attitudes are funny. You think they’ve changed, that we’ve hit the delete button, but what we haven’t done is dig down into the root kit and excise them, so they mushroom back up and infect the system again.
    People are hurting, and hurting people can make piss poor choices. I’ve lived that experience, and in fact was discussing it with my eldest last night, but that is a (good – great) story for another time. When we are desperate, when we see hope fade into nothingness, the choices won’t roll well.

    I had one person unfriend me because I refuse to blame Hillary or Bernie or Stein. She insisted I was still picking on Sanders peeps. *eyeroll* I’m a solution based being. Bitch up a storm, but what do you propose to fix it? What does blame bring but more divisiveness? If you are all in on Bernie, what are you doing locally? Are you getting people like you onto school boards, planning boards, into mayor’s offices and state legislatures? Or is it all about the flash, the quick solution, let the president fix it all?
    I’m a liberal northerner who has always been such. I’ve been criticized my whole life for that viewpoint. But I’m many other things, a package of whatever that I really cannot explain how it all coexists. Optimist, idealist, pragmatist, conciliative. It shows in my personal life and in my work. I can make tough decisions even as they might rip my heart out in the doing… but I don’t stop there, I seek alternatives, some path to hope, some way to solve.
    I see bridges as better than divides. When I used to write on open social media – as opposed to the must be connected sites like Facebook, save for making posts public – I constructed opinions not for those I knew would never agree, but for those who really weren’t all that committed in opposition. Reason can make a lasting impression in the face of wild accusations and denunciations.
    I thought about blogging a post on the election, but no… blogging isn’t a strike and run endeavour. It takes continual commitment, and I want my commitment to be on novels. Instead, I get to opine out here.
    I’ll just say this… Trump is all about walls. We tore down some walls along course of our lives. My unsolicited advice… don’t build walls, Denise, not from friends, even if they chose to embrace something that seems unfathomable to how we process the world. Why? I suspect what Trump built cannot be long sustained without it leading to serious howls and rising opposition. I suspect the man is way over his head, and that means he will be a rubber stamp for what the Republican Congress does. In some ways, I fear Pence more than Trump… but I have faith they are going to overreach, and for all our national faults, America is generally unkind to overreaches.

  3. Normally, I agree with you, RE. But, in this particular situation — I don’t see it as building walls. It’s something a lot bigger than that.

    I refuse to pretend, in any way shape or form, that a relationship with those who actively or passively support hatred, have a place in my personal life.

  4. Thank you for writing this. I’ve really been struggling with losing relationships due to this, but how can I not? Especially when those people refuse to denounce the aftermath, the hate, the harmful policies?

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