August 2006

I know some of you are sick of me blogging about Blogher.  I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.  Attend next year and then you too can bore people to death or annoy the heck out of them afterwards.  I think this is my last "real" Blogher post.  I’ll have some others, later, about concepts and ideas brought up during and after Blogher – but they’ll be "different"… Onward!

This year’s Bloghercon theme was  "How are your blogs changing your world?" so I’m going to spin my real recap to show you how Bloghercon changed my world – or reminded me of things in my world that I don’t really want to change. 

1) We’re a weird family and weirdness creeps into our everday life in weird ways.  "Sweetney" is one of those words/people/things that I think is going to live on in our world, all because of Bloghercon.  TW is a little clueless, cute but clueless and she likes shoes.  She talked to a lot of women she did not know, about their shoes.  She spotted a woman with cool shoes, so she approached her and said "cool shoes, I think my 16 year old would love those."  The shoes, they had skull and crossbones on them.  She had no idea that was Sweetney – til later.  No wonder the woman looked at her oddly.  She, being Sweetney, probably expected some gushing "I love your blog!" and she got nothing but shoe commentary.  Yesterday, I took Michelle to the mall to get a bandana (actually I sat in the car and read my book while she ran in) – she got in the car, I looked up and yelled "Sweetney!!" – she had no idea what that meant, but I bet you know what pattern her bandana had on it, don’t you?  I’m pretty sure from now til the end of time, when we see skull & crossbones, someone will yell Sweetney!

2) I’m not an identity blogger and I don’t want to be one.  I’m also not an outreach blogger and I know I made the right decision about that.  There have been times that I just wasn’t sure.  After Bloghercon, I’m sure.

3) Mommybloggers rock and I’m proud to call myself a mommyblogger.  This was not always the case.

4) Edubloggers, also rock.  In my BoF none of them looked at me oddly when I talked about edublogging at the elementary, middle and highschool levels.  None of them rolled their eyes.  They were all interesting and interested.  It’s good to have that type of validation, when there are people (as one person in the live chat) who don’t have much respect for homeschool mommyblogs.

5) Conference food stinks and I’m ok with that.  I should come more prepared next time, and I will, thanks to this little Bloghercon reminder.

6) I like swag, not as much as TW, but it’s good.  All of it.  Heteronormative or not.  You can learn things from swag, it can cause you to think about topics or ideas that you might not generally think about in your life.  Also, the throwing away of swag simply because it isn’t your thing, bugs me and I’m going to work to make sure people don’t do that.  If that bib wasn’t appropriate for you, or the corkscrew or the lotion then why didn’t you find someone who would have appreciated it?  Or why didn’t you leave a nice note for those women who were cleaning your room each day and leave it for them.  I guarantee you that they would have appreciated the gesture.     (pst, check out the swag Poppy Z Brite received recently – was that heternormative?)

7) I don’t drink.  I was reminded of that again on Saturday night (and Sunday and Monday and into Tuesday).  It’s good to have those reminders and reinforcements.

8) I don’t need a lesbian blogging panel to make me feel like I’m part of the blogosphere.  In fact, I prefer to not attend those types of panels.  I prefer to attend panels that show me new things or teach me more about a topic I’m interested in.  I don’t think a lesbian panel would have met those criteria for me.

9) I need to chill out and relax a little.  Watching Grace, constantly moving and hooking people up, reminded me that I’m a lot like that and it’s tiring – for me and for people around me.  And that constant movement, constant helping, can make it hard to have a real conversation with people.  Good reminder to me – thanks Bloghercon and Grace.

10) I cannot say iVillage without cringing a little – ok a lot.  I sort of thought that was behind me, it isn’t – no offense to the nice iV employee who was there.  It’s my issue and I need to deal with that.

11) The smokers really are some of the most interesting people at an event.  They’re also some of the nicest and friendliest.  I thought it was my imagination, or I was using that as an excuse.  Nope, they are.

12) I’m too old for the red-eye.  I used to really like the red-eye.  No more.  I’m only slightly functioning 2 days latter.  No more red-eyes for any reason.

13) Birds are noisy and messy.  RJ wants a bird, I was all set to get them for her.  Bloghercon has caused me to rethink this.  (Sorry RJ – let’s talk about it some more.)

14) My crush on Badger – it lives on.  Blogcrushes are good.  Meeting blogcrushes in real life, also good. 

15) I still want to marry Nancy White.  I thought maybe that would change after Blogher.  Nope, it didn’t. 

16) Canadians are nice.  I sometimes forget that now.  They forgive you for hugging them when you aren’t suppose to.  They offer to help your daughter fine tune her skills.  They give you chocolate (who gave me a Canadian candybar? I’ve forgotten)

17) My daughter, she could grow up to be like Danah Boyd.  How amazing would that be?  I mean really.  Wow.

18) I’ve never had an issue with Arianna Huffington.  After Bloghercon, still no issue – and while I found her Michael Jackson joke in bad taste, I can live with that because I have made more than one joke in bad taste, haven’t I?

19) Prince J is just like every other 12 year old boy.  I knew that already but it was nice to talk to Patrick Scoble and have that reaffirmed.

20) My idea about visual blogrolling, not a bad idea.  Not a great one but it has potential.

21) More people read my blog than I initially thought.  Also some people who I thought read my blog, don’t.  Both of these tidbits are good to know. 

22) Men, they can really sabotage a group made up primarily of women- or more to the point, women sit by quietly and let them do it.  It isn’t always intentional, I’m not man-bashing.  It happened and it felt weird, sort of amusing because I find unconfortable moments amusing at times, but really very weird.

23) I know a lot about tagging, about building traffic, and a lot about blogging.  As a lesser known blogger running in well-known blogger circles, that kind of validation is good.

24) Monetization, it’s not that important to me.  I’ve played a lot with ads and such but just half-heartedly to see how it works.  I will probably keep playing around with it, as new things happen, but it’s really not my thing – right now.

25) On the spot voice interviews – interesting stuff.  Thank you Amy Gahran and George Kelly.  Amy and her mic and then George whipped out his – that was a beautiful moment.  Has anyone blogged that?  Because really, regardless of whether either of you do anything with those recordings,  I enjoyed it and it made me think a lot about the power of these kinds of tools for "real people." 

Bloghercon did change my world – I learned a lot about myself and other people.  Bloghercon also reminded me that there are a lot of things in my world that I don’t want, or need, to change.

As I have mentioned, I missed Susie Bright’s panel  (Let’s Talk About Sex) at Blogher.  TW recorded it and I had the pleasure of listening to it this morning.  Here’s the file: Download blogher_sex_panel.mp3

Technorati Tags: blogher, blogher06, bloghercon, letstalkaboutsex, audio

The only bloody panel I really wanted to attend with a passion and I missed it.  Susie Bright. (with other cool women – Halley Suitt, Melissa Gira, Logan Lewkoff —  but Susie BRIGHT).  Gah.  TW recorded it but I haven’t listened.  Maybe tomorrow while I’m suppose to be writing a report.  Heh.  Nah, tomorrow on my lunchbreak.  I deserve a lunchbreak, right?

This is what I missed….

The far more brutal issue, in women’s blogging, isn’t whether you have the sense to refrain from advertising your teenager’s puberty, or your husband’s nose hairs— it’s the fact that gender bias will paint you whore-red. It’s gender bias that will condemn you for your impudence in speaking on female passage.

In her post, here, she mentions attending a panel (I was there live blogging it) and a man kept interrupting (you notice I did not mention this in my liveblogging – he gets enough visiblity, so I left him out! heh.)

The Q&A began… and each time a woman in the audience asked a question, one lone man sitting at a nearby table, rose to answer. He cut off the presenters, he cut off everyone. He had to be the first, and he had to have the last word.

He was blind to the eyes rolling around him. Eye-rolling all we did— no one said to him, "Dude, shut up already." He was indulged and allowed to sail off without realizing that he had alienated every last person in there. I doubt anyone from his mother on out has ever given him a clue, because our deferential postures. I feel ashamed of myself for sitting there and writhing in silence.

I think a lot of us are sort of use to this gentleman, he’s very knowledgeable about the topic and he’s very bright.  I was bugged because I think he took the session if not off topic then into areas  that didn’t need to be addressed at that time, in that particular session.  I don’t think most of the women in the room were in need of that sort of discussion about the topic.  Most were like Susie and trying to simply figure out what it was all about or how they could do it better.  And I think they didn’t get that information from the panel, partly because this very well-known person jumped in over and over again, and took it where it didn’t need to go.  His input didn’t answer either of those two questions, they just muddied the waters. Notice in my liveblogging, in parenthesis I mentioned we needed Badger and her post it notes – I think that would have really worked for the beginners in the group.)

I missed Susie Bright, man that just stinks.  Elisa, it’s all your fault!  😉

Technorati Tags: blogher, bloghercon, blogher06, susiebright, sex

I am still traveling and have very little time to write but I’m getting really sort of annoyed and troubled by some of the blog posts I’m reading regarding Blogher’s cliques, celebrities and queers.

DnW – people are celebrities because we love them, we read them and we are thrilled to meet them in person.  What is wrong with that?  Why would you want to see it diminished and just how would you suggest we go about this?  Would you prefer it if those women who write wonderful blogs, wrote less well and acquired less success and fame?  I don’t get your point.  In fact worse than that, I’m really upset by it. 

The women who were flocked by their fans and their friends deserve the attention.  They work hard at what they do.  They write well.  They tell stories that we love reading.  They are women worth meeting and worth flocking to.  Haven’t you ever wanted to meet someone you respected and admired for their work?  Haven’t you ever squealed with delight when you were able to meet someone like that?  Or have you never felt an attachment of that nature so you simply can’t understand it and so must try and convince others that their feelings are somehow wrong or even harmful?

SourDuck (who I was thrilled to meet in person, by the way – straight white woman that she is) – ahhh so many things to say but really really no time to say them.  I’ll start with this – those dykes you met who were troubled that they didn’t meet any other dykes, did they attempt to start a Birds of a Feather group for queers?  Did they not realize the initial BOF groups were started based on the surveys filled out by Bloghers and there simply weren’t enough people who said they wanted a BOF for gays?  That didn’t mean they couldn’t start their own, I most certainly started my own group, as did many other women.  Oh wait, since I’m a lesbian I should have felt some responsibility to create a group for those poor queer folks, right?  My bad.  Next time I’ll be happy to pigeonhole myself into that group, just to make sure these women don’t feel like they’re being ignored.  Since obviously, I should only be interested in talking about gender or orientation issues.  I always forget that, someday someone is going to take my gay membership card away.

Did those dykes not go to the Identity panel where a woman stood up and said am I the only lesbian here and a room full of hands went up?  And did those dykes realize that the identity blogging issues being addressed by the women of color, multi-racial families were very similar to those of queer women?  If you attended the Outreach panel then you know that I did mention  my orientation.  I’m pretty sure, (though I wasn’t able to attend), that the sex panel would have been more than happy to hear from the dykes in the room.  The naked blogging panel, also a good place to present naked blogging of orientation issues.   There were plenty of opportunities for lesbians to make their issues and their feelings and their personalities known – if they didn’t do that, then why is that "Blogher’s" fault?  The opportunities were there.   

I met several lesbians, completely by accident, simply by talking to women sitting around me.   I certainly never felt unincluded or unwanted or unaccepted and I didn’t feel I got less out of the conference simply because all of the dykes weren’t plopped in a circle, holding hands and chanting gay pride chants while the rest of the Bloghers looked on and cheered. 

Sour Duck says that she knows of at least four lesbians and bloghers who have made a large contribution to Blogher… and we’re all suppose to feel like we "didn’t count" … don’t count me as one of the four who felt this way, because I felt like I counted as a woman, as a human being, as a blogger, a blogher, a panelist and a PERSON and I felt respected for who I am, completely, by every single person I spoke to.  The very fact that you’re suggesting I should feel "like I don’t count" or shouldn’t have felt like I fit in is insulting to me.  I fit in, very well, thank you.  I was respected and appreciated.   

The swag is swag, Blogher got sponsors and that’s the swag we received.   The majority of Bloghers in attendance are appear to be straight, they were white, and many did appear to be mommies.   So freaking what. 

If you don’t like the baby bib, toss the freaking thing to a mommy who will like it or donate it to a shelter.   Sour Duck complains that TWO out of the huge number of gifts were targeted to reproduction and heterosexual sexualities (FYI if you’re a dyke and you’re playing with sex toys and non-monogamous, that condom could actually come in handy.)  – TWO out of dozen upon dozen of items, (actually there was also a PBS wipe off calendar, Sour Duck overlooked so 3 and then pasties, obviously a queer woman would never want pasties, someone ought to tell that to my partner.)  What would gay friendly swag have looked like and who would have been the sponsor who provided such a thing?  Dental dams along with the condoms, would that have made you happy?

Should Blogher completely ignore the parents in the group because we wouldn’t want to offend the childfree or the lesbians or those unable to conceive or adopt?  Swag isn’t a political statement or a social statement.  Some dykes and some feminists and some women want to make it such, but don’t count me with you.  There are bigger issues than what came in the swag bag.  The attitudes of some women attendees and non-attendees trouble me a lot more than the swag.

Dykes – get off your high horses and quit looking for insult where there is none and stop whining about your mistreatment and start appreciating ALL women, because if you had given the straight white mommies half a chance, you’d have learned a little more about the life you’re living in – and I’d be a lot less annoyed by my sister lesbians than I am right now.   And any straight girls offended or offended FOR the lesbians – please.  I don’t need anyone offended for me.  I don’t need anyone making sweeping statements for me.  I don’t need anyone telling me I should feel like I don’t count.

updated at 1:45 ET

Technorati Tags: blogher, bloghercon, blogher06, lesbians, celebrity, alist