Family Funk

Thankful for the Internets

1 Comment / Christmas, Family Funk /

The internet makes holiday shopping so much damn easier. I’m so close to being finished — or finished except for a few odds and ends — or finished except for a few odds and ends and any gifts at all for one child who shall remain nameless (Joseph).

This weekend I’ve visited:

– Amazon
– Kmart
– Lolshirts
– Etsy
– Urban Outfitters
– Threadless
– Buy.com
– Gap
– Target
– PacSun
– A variety of one-off odd online shops for extremely odd items… because I have some extremely odd kids (Chris. Elly. Michelle.)

I’ve still got some items in a cart, waiting for a coupon code or a price drop or to find a couple of things just a wee bit cheaper and I’m ordering CHEESE tomorrow for some very lucky people (I might have to order some for myself, actually, heh.) I will be ordering a photo album for JMP tomorrow, too.

Now if I just knew what to get for the Prince who has everything… I could be DONE by 12/1. That boy lives to make my life difficult. I’m not going to finish by 12/1, am I?

Bah humbug.

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The Best Laid Plans … Get Shot to Hell

4 Comments / Christmas, Family Funk, Holidays, Kid Talk /

I woke up this morning with a good long list of things I was going to accomplish before the little kids showed up at around 11am-ish.

1) Fold laundry and get more laundry into the washer/dryer.
2) Unload/load the dishwasher.
3) Get some work done.
4) Take some stuff out to both cars (a bag of odds and ends from my old car — things like lip balm, bandaids, pens, notepads, etc. and the battery charger & emergency kit for the Funhouse car.)
5) Dump the dead pumpkin on the porch.
6) Get the Flamingo Santa to stop blowing off the porch.
7) Move the Gazelle into Prince J’s room.
8) Get some odds & ends out of the living room/dining room so there’s room for the tree and Christmas decorations.
9) Put the rake and hedge clippers into the garage.
10) Make the surprisingly good salad and deviled eggs for our Thanksgiving dinner.
11) Get the tree put together in the stand and the box carried out to the garage.

I did all of those things, except #s 10 & 11 by about 10:15 (except the rake/clippers were in front of the garage, waiting for me to open the garage and put the Christmas tree box in there…)

At 10:15 I told TW I was going to make the surprisingly good salad and deviled eggs but first I was going to put the tree together. She laughed and said she’d been thinking about doing that, too. So we got to work on that together. All of the pieces were out and TW got the first piece into the stand. As we’re both reaching for the next pieces, I noticed my piece had some fur stuck to some branches. “Oh. Someone made a nest in our tree…”

I went into the kitchen to get a plastic bag and a towel to clean that up and as I was cleaning it, TW said someone had nested in her piece, too. About that time, I noticed not only nesting material but the creature that nested had snacked on some of the wires (it’s a pre-lit tree.)

Hell.

I said, “I guess if we plug this in we’ll either short out the whole house or catch the house on fire, right?”

TW said, “Right.” and suggested we just put strands of lights on it and not use the pre-lit strands. This caused me to roll my eyes. We really want a tree with six strands of dead lights and six strands of live lights. That will look awesome, won’t it? No. Not happening.

I wondered whether we could strip the pre-lit strands off… TW said it would take a long time. I fiddled with one and realized she was right.

Hell.

It was 10:25. I jumped online to see who had trees on sale… everybody has trees on sale, but would they have the size/type we want? No way to know except to get in the car and find out.

Target is closest so we jumped in the car and by 10:40 we were checking out but we did not have a tree. They only had a tiny tree with multi-colored lights. (I impulse purchased a couple of things and since there was no line to check out, I went ahead and bought them.)

We dashed across the street to Lowes. They had trees but nothing we loved that wasn’t $400. I convinced TW that we should get the 6′ multi-colored tree for less than $100 since we have a puppy who eats everything. We’d be a lot less annoyed if she ate a cheap tree than if she ate a $400 tree. TW reluctantly agreed — she had little choice since we had to get the tree done TODAY before Prince J goes back to college.

We got it home and it was TINY and we were all getting really depressed. I sent RJ up to Elly’s room for the LACK table to stand it on, thinking if we made it look like it was taller, we’d like it better. And we do, but it’s still tiny and not full and not a tree we love. We only put about 1/3 of the normal ornaments on it because it’s just so small.

And, we have to figure out how to keep the tree on the table with a hyper puppy around. So far, she’s been relatively good but as soon as we turn our backs, I know she’s going to go for the tree. It’s a lot more interesting than slippers or the couch or any other things she consistently chews on when we turn our backs.

I did manage to get the surprisingly good salad and eggs done while Prince J and TW drove across town to pick up the annoying, evil 14 year old who refused to go to breakfast with the rest of her family this morning so was not dropped off here when her dad dropped her siblings off. (I hate 14 year old girls.)

We managed to celebrate Prince J’s 19th birthday (he got his first iPhone, yay!) and celebrate Thanksgiving and get everything cleaned up from the tree decorating, birthday celebrating and Thanksgiving celebrating in record time.

I even found the missing reindeer stocking for Johnny Mac Pippin.

Let’s call today a win, even if it wasn’t as perfectly managed as I had planned.

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Photos For Johnny Mac Pippin

Christmas, Daily Dose, Family Funk, Friends & Family, Kid Talk /

You might have seen the post I wrote on BlogHer.com filled with gift ideas for Johnny Mac Pippin — and you might have noticed that I did not include any type of photo album for him. Texasebeth noticed and made the suggestion and that was awesome — because it’s on my list of things to do.

I was hoping (and am still a little hopeful) that he and his parents would be moving back to the mainland sometime soon, so we would have more opportunities to visit JMP and he would have more opportunities to visit us. Hoping that we could all get to know each other face to face rather than through Facetime. Because as much as JMP loves his mom’s iPhone, it’s just not quite the same as getting to cuddle and giggle in person.

As the days start slipping by and there’s no sign that they are going to be moving I’ve started thinking about sending JMP a picture album filled with pictures of family members who wish they could spend more time with him — something he can look at and play with and his parents can point out all of his people.

A few weeks ago, I ordered a couple of really nice books from Paper Coterie — a journal/notebook and a “quotable” book that I’m going to try and remember to update once JMP starts talking, for real.

These books are really nice and I’m impressed by the quality and by how easy it was to make both of them.


So — I think I’m going to head back there and make JMP a nice photo album all his own. I hope he likes it.

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Thanksgiving Tradition: Shopping!

Daily Dose, Family Funk, Holidays /

I got into the habit of shopping on Thanksgiving when I lived overseas. I’d usually spend the morning with my family, we’d eat an early dinner at around 2pm and then I’d head out to do some shopping while folks lounged in front of the TV watching football (which I did NOT want to watch) or hung out with their friends (which I did not need to supervise.)

It was a really nice way to get a jump start on holiday shopping — a Thursday afternoon is not generally high shopping time in either Panama or the Philippines, so it was fabulous. No crowds. No kids.

TW and I started doing Thanksgiving day shopping but we’d do it in the morning while the teens were sleeping and the little kids were lounging around with legos or books or a movie on TV. A trip to the drugstore for stocking stuffers on Thanksgiving morning was a great way to knock out some shopping without a lot of stress. When we realized that K-mart was also open on Thanksgiving, that just made things all the better. Holiday pajamas, socks, dvds, odds and ends that just jumped into the cart — no crowds, no kids. It was fabulous.

A couple of hours of early morning shopping, then we head home for an hour nap. Afterwards, we’re up and cooking, hanging with kids (if they’re here), pulling out holiday decorations, and just generally kicking off the winter holiday knowing that we’ve gotten a nice bit of holiday shopping out of the way and we didn’t have to fight the crowds to do it.

Thanksgiving is one of the few days a year that I actually look forward to shopping. No joke — it’s stress-free shopping and I love it.

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Weapon of Mass Destruction

5 Comments / Animal Issues, Daily Dose, Family Funk /

Our floors are sprinkled with bits and pieces of dead toys. Little fluffy orange bits here, there, and over there too. Little white foamy pieces there, and there and also there. Little blue strings everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

Three toys have bit the dust this week.

An orange fuzzy gecko (that looks like no gecko I’ve ever seen) was first — she started pulling the squeakers out of it while TW was in the hospital and all that’s left is a bit of the head and the tail, the latter of which does still have the plastic bead shaker thingy in it. Funny thing about this toy’s demise, they call it the Invincible Gecko Dog Toy. Invincible my ass. Thankfully I only paid $3 for it on clearance at Petco a couple of weeks ago (I almost bought the super duper 12′ long version for $25, lol.)

She ate an entire Martha Stewart tennis ball and caused me to wonder whether those balls have little rubber band balls in the center… surely not. Surely Martha knows dogs eat these things and those little rubber balls would be bad. Thankfully(?) Skeeter brought me another Martha Stewart tennis ball that she’s working on eating and I could reach my finger inside to see that there is no little rubber ball in there. That’s good. Those little blue threads from the tennis ball all over the floor are not so good. They stick to your socks and to the broom when you’re trying to sweep them up.

Yesterday she demolished one of the first toys we ever bought her — a foamy blue bone with squeakers in both ends. She ate the center piece and was working on the ends when I took them away, afraid she’d swallow the plastic squeakers that were still squeaking.

The toy bin that used to be overflowing with toys is not so overflowing this week. Good thing Christmas is coming, I’m sure Santa will bring her some new toys to eat play with.

(FYI, last month she destroyed another toy that I’m probably going to buy again. We bought a Kong Wild Knots Flamingo at Wilmette Pet last month and she immediately loved that thing. Loved it to death but she really, really loved it. Thankfully, I’ve found it a bunch of places online for less than $10. Impulse pet toy shopping is a bad idea, that thing cost $25 at the pet store! This is a great toy, it looks like a plain ole stuffed animal but it’s got knotted ropes inside which makes puppy chewing fun.)

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The Strays Are Gone

Family Funk, Kid Talk /

Well that was fast.

Michelle’s friend and her boyfriend arrived mid-day on Wednesday and left last night at around 9:30pm. Fastest stray children ever.

It was almost like they weren’t even here and that’s never happened before.

I sure am glad I took Susan’s photo in the high chair on Thursday otherwise it would have been easy to convince myself she’d never been here at all.

Who ever heard of kids moving to Chicagoland with no job and no place to live — and finding a place to live in less than 48 hours? That’s just madness. Not that I’m complaining. Or that I’d have been complaining if they were still here?

It’s just unusual. Very unusual.

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Taking In Strays

3 Comments / Daily Dose, Family Funk, Kid Talk /

I have a history of taking in strays — not the kind of strays you might think.

I take in stray kids.

It started years ago, when Audrey spent as much time in our home as she did in her home with her single, active duty service member mom. It just made sense. She was Jenn’s friend. She was in our Girl Scout troop. Her mom worked weird hours or was gone a lot. So, she just stayed with us. She probably would have stayed even more if she’d attended the same school Jenn did — but she didn’t, she lived at the other end of the base so she did sometimes go home and was often alone when she was there.

Chris and Michelle grew up with Audrey always at our house. They learned early that stray kids who need a place to stay or just want to stay with us are welcome. So stray girlfriends, boyfriends or just friends would should up and suddenly we realized they’d been here for weeks on end. Some of those kids lived with us for years without ever actually discussing it with us. It was fine.

Stray kids were welcome.

Now that none of those big kids live here with us, I thought those days might be over. The little kids have never been inclined to bring home stray kids that way. It might happen some day, because they did grow up with extra kids in the house and while they generally ignored Chris’s girlfriends who stayed off and on, they loved Chuck — the house fairy. So ya never know, they may bring home a stray of their own someday. Time will tell.

I did find it very amusing when Michelle buzzed me a couple of days ago to tell me that her friend Susan was not going to be visiting her in Philadelphia as originally planned — instead, she was moving to Chicago and… she needed a place to stay. Could she…?

I laughed and told her she could. Michelle said “Cool, she and her boyfriend will be there tomorrow.” lol

They didn’t turn up yesterday… they showed up today, instead.

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Singing in a Bomb

2 Comments / Family Funk, Kid Talk /

A long time ago, we were out for dinner with the little kids and TW’s ex — back in the days when we thought we might be able to have joint celebrations of big events. By the time we headed home, I’d pretty much had enough of Figlio-togetherness and was just ready for everyone to shush for a few minutes and chill out.

But no. The small children have always known exactly how to push my buttons (and the buttons of every parent/parental unit in their lives) and they were out-of-control on the drive home. TW was not much better, encouraging the wild screeching and storytelling and game playing IN THE CAR.

I hit my limit when Prince J argued something I said with an explanation of why he was right that included the phrase “singing in a bomb”. A totally ridiculous argument to what I said. A totally ridiculous idea that makes no sense under any circumstance. Something way, way out there — even for Prince J, who was (is?) good at pushing the limits of imagination.

“Singing in a bomb” is a very common phrase in our house, now. Unfortunately, only TW and I understand the phrase — the small children were too young to remember that hell night.

~~~

There are some songs or musicians that remind me, strongly, of one of the big kids.
– Nirvana reminds me of Chris.
– Smashing Pumpkin reminds me of Michelle
– Oasis, Vanilla Ice and Gloria Estefan remind me of Jenn.

I could go on, but you get the picture, right? You probably have songs that remind you strongly of people in your family, too.

When I hear those songs on the radio, I turn them up just a little and I say their names. A little prayer sent to them across the country (or across town)? Sometimes I ask TW to text the child, if I’m driving. Sometimes she just takes it upon herself to text them when she hears one of their songs. Sometimes I’ll call shortly after I get home, after I’ve heard one.

The kids have been known to ignore those texts. Or answer with a laugh. They sometimes roll their eyes. But they get it. They understand why these songs remind me of them. They understand that it’s a connection between us.

~~

A couple of weeks ago, we were riding in the car and Suicide Blonde came on the radio. TW suggested that Prince J might have gotten the lyric of this song just a wee bit twisted and turned “Suicide Blonde” into “Singing in a Bomb”.

And, it all clicked into place.

This would have been a song Prince J would have heard quite often in our house, at that age. It was a popular song in his early, formative years, so he would have heard it on the radio, too. He would not have recognized the word “Suicide” when he was a wee thing. He also would have understood both “singing” and “bomb”. It makes sense out of something that has never made a lick of sense.

~~~

Today, driving to the hospital, Suicide Blonde came on the radio. I asked Siri to text Prince J, just like I would have asked Siri to text Chris if Come As You Are came on. Suicide Blonde is on the radio — so Hi!

I turned the corner and… there were two large diggers, another Prince J thing, so I told Siri to text Prince J… and a digger, too!.

He responded a little while ago with… What?

The boy is determined to drive me over the edge, isn’t he?

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We’ve Mastered This Yes Thing

3 Comments / Animal Issues, Family Funk /

Ya know I was kind of skeptical about this “Yes” thing but it’s true, after about four days of constant “Yes”, Skeeter made it very clear that she understood “Yes” meant TREAT. (Virginia asked, in comments last week, how you know she understands “Yes” — you know because any time you say “Yes” the dog’s ears perk up or she pays close attention to you.)

And yep, Skeeter understands very well that any time someone says “Yes” she is supposed to get a treat. (You can see a tiny little video of that here. She was playing with a toy at my feet and you’ll see her look up right away when I say “Yes”.)

In tonight’s class, the trainer was demonstrating basic things that he wanted us to do with our dogs: Have the dog follow your hand back and forth, say “Yes” and present the treat. Get your dog to sit, say “Yes” and give the dog a treat. Work toward getting the dog to lay down, say “Yes” and give the dog a treat. The trainer demonstrated these things over and over again and he said “Yes” constantly, to another dog. Skeeter looked at me for her treat every single time the guy said “Yes”. The entire room was very impressed by her skill at the “Yes”, (as they should have been because she was the best at this skill.)

I wasn’t sure she would really pay attention to my “Yes” if there was a room full of dogs and a room full of treats in other people’s hands but she did a great job. As long as I was keeping her attention, keeping her moving, keeping her focused, she was ready to do what I wanted for the “Yes”/treat.

This week, we’re supposed to keep doing the “Yes” (not saying commands, which is hard because we’ve been doing basic commands since day one so… yea, we’re probably going to keep saying them as well as the darn “Yes”) and keep practicing the follow your hand for treats, sit for treats, lay down for treats.

Easy peasy.

Skeeter is awesomely smart. (And cute.) Even if she did eat her sixth leash today, when I turned my back for three damn minutes.

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I Am Never Buying Chocolate Chips Again

8 Comments / Daily Dose, Family Funk, Pet Peeves /

I was kicking ass in the get stuff done vein. I started the load of laundry that’s been accumulating in the washer and laundry room basket since the girls went back to their dad’s. I folded the load that was in the dryer. I made two batches of brownies for TW’s mom to take to the Senior Center. I got most of the trash cans emptied and the bins to the road. I straightened up the family room in preparation for the uverse dude’s visit. I cleaned the old leftovers out of the fridge and ran a load of dishes through the dishwasher. I even got the dishwasher unloaded and the few dirty dishes in the sink added to the dishwasher.

I thought I’d be extra super woman and do a tiny load of laundry and get all of TW’s underwear clean (I know, probably too much info but… hospitals cause her to want a lot of fresh underwear… just sayin’.)

So, I started tossing the wet laundry from the washer into the dryer… I noticed something “dropped” out of the wet laundry. One something dropped to the floor, another to the bottom of the dryer. I glanced back, something small and brown. I figured it was on old dog treat that someone had leftover in her pocket from treat training. I reached for the thing in the dryer just as Skeeter reached for the thing on the floor.

Soft, smooshy, chocolate.

Chocolate chips.

I peeked back into the washer and what did I see — dozens of chocolate chips sprinkled in with the “clean” laundry.

Dammit.

I pulled each piece of laundry out of the dryer, shaking every piece. Chocolate chips rained down onto the floor. I pulled each piece of laundry out of the washer. Still raining chocolate chips. At the bottom of the washer, a good half cup of chocolate chips.

I cleaned them out, cursing a certain child who I was SURE was responsible since most of the laundry I’d done was kid laundry, TW’s mom’s laundry and dirty towels with just a couple of TW’s stuff tossed in to fill out errr over-fill the load.

I added a little water to the washer then pushed it to the spin cycle. Each time I opened the lid, more chocolate chips were on the bottom and sides of the washer.

While the chocolate chips were spinning around, I texted the youngest child who has a strong affinity for chocolate chips.

Her response was “why in the hell would I have chocolate chips in my pocket?”

So I suggested she might have cleaned up spilled chocolate chips with a towel and then dumped the towel (chips and all) into the washer.

She insists she didn’t do it and pointed a finger at her sister.

So I texted her sister and asked her if she’d had a chocolate chip accident. She insisted she had not touched a chocolate chip in forever. I asked her if she was sure she hadn’t spilled chocolate chips and cleaned them with a towel? She insisted, again, she had not. I asked once more, “Are you sure you didn’t make a chocolate croissant?” Her response, well, I do have limits about what I’ll share about my kids so I’ll just keep that a secret. Basically, no. She insists it was not her.

During this texting/spinning session, TW’s mom wandered in and I explained what had happened. She had her suspicions about who might have done it and in the end she said, “All I know is it wasn’t me.”

So. It wasn’t TW’s mom. It wasn’t Elly. It wasn’t RJ. It wasn’t me, lord knows.

Did Skeeter do it? Or, was it someone else?

The world may never know.

I just know that I’m never buying another bag of chocolate chips because that was a pain in the ass and I don’t ever want to have to clean chocolate chips out of the washer and dryer again.

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