I’m not an angel, but I’m not mean

The blog posts slamming meankids and other sites like them can come off sounding a little bit too judgemental for me. I know that probably sounds funny considering the post I just made. I’m not going to pretend that I’m some angel or some perfect “digital citizen” (who said that over on the Stop Cyberbullying group? I don’t know, forgive me whoever it was. Ah the coolcat teacher, I should have known instantly.) I couldn’t pretend because I’m sure there would be people who would drop dead from laughter or out of anger if I even attempted it. I’ve made some snarky blog entries around here. Usually just a sentence or two, tucked in here and there. One of them made Scoble laugh and he even commented on my blog! (Darn blogger didn’t import comments so I lost that momentous event but I remember it!) I’ve also made some comments on blogs (and on boards and email lists) that I knew would cause a stir or get a rise out of someone (hi KB! smooch!) I am no angel but I am not a mean kid.

I will also disclose that I am currently subscribed to one blog that spends a considerable amount of time bashing celebrities. I am subscribed to it and skim it for items that I think my older children may be hearing about or reading about. I’m often tempted to unsubscribe because it makes me feel slimey. I was also subscribed to a blog that spends a considerable amount of time, though less lately, bashing key mommybloggers. The reason I subscribed to it and left it in my feedreader was because I was trying to figure out why these sites are created and why they cause such a frenzy. I was doing this for my personal us/them thoughts and for my professional life as well. I deal with online communities and the more I can figure out about how people think and work and interact with each other, the better off I am. I’m no longer subscribed to this site. I think I’ve learned all I can learn – which wasn’t much.

I said before that I don’t have any respect for sites like meankids and I mean it. I don’t. And I have a hard time maintaining respect for the people who participate in them and link them and laugh over them. I don’t get it. I don’t understand what they get out of it, particularly some of the most popular and well-respected people in the blogosphere. I actually unsubscribed from one woman’s blog a couple of weeks ago simply because she was actively linking to meankids – before that, I thought she was fantastic. She may still be fantastic, but her links colored my view of her and I no longer enjoyed reading her blog. I found I no longer cared about her personal life or her professional views.

KK and others are asking whether sites like meankids have a right to exist. I have a hard time saying that they don’t. I also have a hard time saying groups like the KKK don’t have a right to exist. I’m the one who stands up for the religious right members who consistently bash gays and lesbians – and I am a lesbian.

I said in comments on BlogHer that I didn’t think there was a real solution to the issues we’re all focusing on right now and I believe that. There are people in the world who resort to misogynist comments, racially motivated attacks and stereotypes, hate speech, manipulation and threats. Those people obviously exist in the blogosphere. You can’t stone them, you can’t take away their internet connection. If you don’t like them, don’t agree with them then it is unfortunately up to you to figure out how to live beside them. How do you do that without stooping to their level, we’re all human after all? How do you do that without letting them intimidate you into moving to a new neighborhood or a new job or ending your participation in online discussions?

I don’t know but I’m thrilled that so many people are interested in talking about this.

Last year’s us/them phone calls were a wonderful thing. The discussions we had within that very small group were tremendously helpful simply because we could vent, question, and even debate these topics safely. The discussions going on now are very similar – just on a much larger scale and I am really loving this.

Shelley said in a BlogHer comment that she didn’t think a banner or a civility pledge were going to be the solution. She’s right. But the discussion around civility and banners is the only solution we have. As long as people are talking about this and thinking about this then we can work on ways to cope with hate speech and net rage (thanks swamphag!) Discussions and pledges of support to victims of these attacks, are the solution. Pledges of civility, as long as they are acted on, are the solution. Refusal to support those who find these sites acceptable are another type of solution.

I’ve already said that I will not support the sites that are created simply to attack, demean, intimidate or harrass others and I mean that. If I see someone linking or participating in such a community, I’m going to speak out. I’m not going to “feed the trolls,” this isn’t about trolls. There’s a difference, a very big difference.

I am no angel. I will still drop an occasional bit of snark here and there. I will stir the pot occasionally. That’s who I am. But I’m not mean and I don’t do hate. That’s my solution.

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