Daily Dose of Laundry

Remember when I ranted a few months ago about laundry? Well I have some advice for you regarding laundry because I am obviously an expert. Until that little rant of mine I was feeling like an expert failure at laundry but not today, oh no, not today.

Yes, I still have a lot of laundry. No, it still doesn’t get put in drawers immediately. But, I have been able to keep the laundry monster at bay. No, no, not by stuffing Michelle into the dryer, though there have been moments… No, I’ve kept it at bay by actually DOING the laundry! That’s the secret. You have to do it. Every single day. Even if you are sick. Even if your g/f is incredibly ill. Even if your kids have last minute projects that they didn’t bother to tell you about until, well, the last minute. Even if you are driving all over the southern part of the USA because one kid or another has some event to attend or some need that must be fulfilled. Even if your boss has driven you INSANE (not that my boss would ever do such a thing). If you do laundry every single day… it gets DONE. Really. I’m not kidding you.

I have a lot of visitors to this blog who are looking for laundry. I’m assuming they are looking for laundry tips or laundry stories or maybe someone to do their laundry and not just randomly searching the internet for laundry. I’m not really sure though since most people seem to just type “laundry” in their search engine of choice (which thankfully is Google and not Lycos). I’ve also heard from other sources that kid laundry is a real problem – everything from not having matching socks, not having clean sheets so kids have to sleep in chairs, to not being able to remove stains. I understand these issues too and I can possibly offer some help.

First, refer to that second paragraph. If your kids don’t have matching socks or clean sheets then the answer is to do the laundry. Every day. You might also suggest the children look under their beds and in their toy bins for socks. Oh and E’s favorite sock hiding place, err storage place, is between the cushions of the couch. Ask her, she’ll tell you with that sly, imp-like smile. If socks are peeking out of the corner of the couch, then they are hers.

Sheets are a different story. Sometimes I think children mess up their sheets simply because they like sleeping in their chairs. Do your kids have a comfortable chair in their room? RJ adores her mushroom chair and prefers to sleep on it, book in hand, and will do so unless we assist her out of it while she’s half asleep or pretending to be half asleep. Recliners are also notorious child sleep luring vessels. Christopher use to beg to sleep in his recliner, but then again Christopher is weird and always has been so maybe this isn’t your issue? Oh and kids like to mess up their sheets late at night simply because it means they can do that family bed thing they’ve heard so much about on the playground. Family bed people are trouble and their children should all be homeschooled so they don’t pass that nastyness around to normal kids (don’t flame me, that was a joke).

Stains can be handled quickly and easily. My preferred method is never to provide a child with clothing you would be upset or angry about if it got a stain on it. If you simply can’t live your life that way then I would suggest some therapy because kids and stains go together. It’s in the handbook they give you when you leave the hospital. Ask your pediatrician if you don’t believe me or stole a child and it didn’t have its booklet attached. (Hmmm has Dr Moser blogged about that yet? He should, if he hasn’t – even if he isn’t a Ped.) If you’re in therapy and it isn’t helping then prescription meds could probably be prescribed by your doctor. If you’re already on them then you have to turn to product for assistance. No, not hair product. Cleaning product.

We’ve tried them all, grudgingly. (Well I’ve tried them grudgingly, TW likes trying new things so she tries them with glee like my oldest dauther… coincidence that they share a birthday? I don’t think so) None of the products work very well on tough stains like paint, ballpoint pen, a bowl of BBQ or red wine, (which reminds me, don’t give your kids red wine – it stains and you’re just asking for trouble. This is another reason why we don’t have alcohol in this house.) If you must use product, buy the cheapest one. Read the bottle and follow the directions on the bottle. And pray. Even if you are an athiest or a humanist or a Unitarian. Pray. Jesus loves you and it couldn’t hurt. After you’re done praying and trying product and you discover there is still a little stain don’t blame me or Jesus or your child or your therapist. Instead, reach into your special toy box and pull out the magic wand! (No not that one, sheesh) The magic wand is really called the Electric Stain Remover and it works. I kid you not.

I bought this thing for both Jenn and TW for Christmas (They share the same birthday and like cleaning gadgets so this is an acceptable Christmas gift. It may not be the right gift for your g/f or your daughter). You’ve heard of “As Seen on TV” gadgets – well the new trend here is “As Seen on Engadget” (or popgadget or gizmodo or whatever your gadget blog of cohice is) and that is where we saw this special magic wand. TW tried it first on some small and very old blood stains. By very old I mean months old, been through the washer and dryer and product cycle half dozen times old. The special magic wand REMOVED THE STAINS and made cool zappping noises in the process. Then she tracked down a white t-shirt that had gotten mildewed because it was in the bottom of a rarely used laundry basket with a child’s wet swim suit and towel (guess whos) for a week before I discovered it (remember when I didn’t do laundry every day?). We tried product and washing and I thought the shirt was a goner. It’s a special kid created t-shirt so it was still here looking all sad and mildewy. Those stains are now GONE completely. I’m not kidding. Gone. It took time, there was a good bit of mildew, but TW was patient and now she happily wears her butterfly tshirt made by swimsuit kid and there is no mildew on it. (There is coffee on it after last wearing but I have no doubt the special wand can take care of that this weekend.)

There you go folks – all of the laundry advice a harried laundry hater, stain fixated person could ever want. Go and launder. You can thank me later. But I’m not doing your laundry so if that is what you are looking for, keep searching. Try Lycos.

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