As you all know, I’m at my mom’s house in Charlotte. A house that I have never lived in. A house I’ve never spent very much time in. A house that while somewhat familiar because my mother’s stuff is here, is mostly unfamiliar. A mostly unfamiliar house in a very unfamiliar neighborhood and there was no mention of a “friendly neighbor” to turn to if there were problems, in my mother’s most detailed rules – I mean instructions. A mostly unfamiliar house in a very unfamiliar neighborhood in a mostly unfamiliar city where the only people I know are out of town (or out of the country).
No big deal. I am not nervous about staying alone in a hotel or a house, in a strange city or a familiar one. It’s fine. Really.
Or it was until someone knocked on the door after 8:15pm last night and scared the ever-loving-hell out of me and Duncan the dog. (Duncan does not bark but she did jump 50 feet and making a wooshing noise and then she started wagging her tail looking at me to figure out what to do.)
I was in my nightgown and the house was dark and I have no idea where the light switches are. (Hell it took me more than 24 hours to figure out how to turn off the kitchen lights and that was even after I asked my mother where the switch was.) Who the hell could be knocking on the freaking door, right?
So Duncan and I head down the main stairs and … it’s dark. Pitch black dark. I cannot find the freaking light switches so I try and peek out of the window by the front door and promptly knock the little lacey curtain thingy off of its suspension rod. *shit* And I can’t see a freaking thing out there because it is PITCH BLACK. Duncan is looking up at me like I’m going to open the door and invite these asshats I mean nice neighbors in. Well no, I wasn’t interested in opening the door but I did wonder if maybe whoever knocked had come to the kitchen door – and I did know where that light switch was.
So Duncan and I head to that door where she’s extra excited because she thinks she’s going to get another walk. Or get to bring a newspaper up. Or something. But no, there’s nobody there.
What the hell?
I finally find enough light switches that I can see the stairway by the front door and poof… there are the light switches that I could not find in the dark. I turn on the front porch light and of course there’s nobody there because it’s taken me at least 10 minutes to figure out where the light switch is. But wait… there’s not a person there but there is something.
What the hell?
There is a Halloween goody bag on the front porch with some papers stapled to it.
What the holy hell is this?
So I open the door and no Duncan does not get to go out even though she is sure she is going to get to go out and sniff that bush again (and by the way, when my mother says “Duncan expects to go to the end of the driveway for a sniff every morning” – she means that. Duncan does not pee. She sniffs.)
I bring in this bag and peek inside and there are two Halloween coffee mugs and a bag of pretzel M&Ms (none of which we need in this house because my mother has more coffee mugs than Starbucks and Waffle House combined and I just bought two bags of those M&Ms for .50 a bag at Target.)
The kicker is the three white pages stapled to the bag.
Page One
The air is cool, the season is fall
Soon Halloween will come to call
The spooks are after things to do
In fact a spook brought this to you
“Boo” is a shield from witching hour
Just hang it up and watch its power
On your front door is where it works
It wards off spooks and scary jerks
The treat that came with crypted note
Are yours to keep, enjoy them both
The power that comes when friends like you
Will copy this and make it two
Then others here along our street
Will say Howdy-do to all they meet
We’ll all have smiles upon our face
No one will know who “boo’ed” whose place
Just one short day to work your spell
Or a big zap will strike your tail
And don’t forget a nifty treat
Like something cute or something sweet
Please join the fun, let’s really hear it
And spread some “Boo’s” and Halloween Spirit
~~
Page two:
Directions:
1) Enjoy your treat (Your whole household)
2) Place your “Boo” on your front door
3) You have 48 hours to copy this twice. Make two treats and two “Boos” and secretly deliver to two neighbors who do not have a “Boo” on their front door.
4) Watch how far this spreads by Halloween
~~
Page three:
A photocopied word “BOO!”
Now what in the hell am I supposed to do with this? Would my mother play this crazy game with her neighbors? Wah?! What do I do?!!!!
23 hours have already gone by and I have not hung up the “Boo” and I have not created two treats or figured out how to use my mother’s damn scanner so I can scan this stuff and I have certainly not tracked down two gift bags and treats (though I do have plenty of Halloween candy I could hand out since I went ahead and bought Halloween candy for my mother yesterday… what? It was .50 a bag!)
(Look! The October Nablo theme is “Between”… see how I did that?)