Half Empty

So.

I was feeling all stoked about succeeding at NaBlo and looking forward to December — the holidays, some days off, seeing the big kids, going out to see Melissa. I wasn’t even stressing over TW’s still missing paycheck and the hospital bills that just keep rolling in. Life was good. I wasn’t even too grouchy about all of the driving around we were facing the next day, to get RJ to all of the places she needs to be.

I took a shower and was looking forward to climbing into my bed with a book (and TW and probably the damn dog) but as I was drying off, TW informed me that RJ did not have her ID. The ID that’s necessary to get her into the SAT at 7:45am.

I cursed and put on my dirty clothes and then was informed that not only does she not have her ID, she doesn’t even know where her ID is. I cursed some more and went to find my shoes.

10 minutes later, she’d verified that her step-mother was in possession of her Passport, so I leashed the dog and headed to the car. And waited. RJ came down without shoes and had to go back up to get them. I waited some more. She forgot her key. I waited some more.

Everyone was in the car and I started to back out of my long ass driveway. Something I’ve done 8 zillion times in the last four and a half years.

Crunch.

I. Hit. The. Damn. Pole.

The pole I’ve reminded people not to hit 8 zillion times in the last four and a half years.

I. Hit. The. Damn. Pole. With. My. New. Car.

I pulled forward and just sat there a minute.

Climbed out. It was too dark to see anything but I ran my hands over the side of the car, just above the tire well — scrape. A very large scrape.

I cursed and got back in the car, where I sat and cursed again for a very long time.

I stopped cursing and just sat there quietly for awhile. I just needed a minute to feel all of the happy float away and all of the frustration just flooded right out of me.

Numb. Comfortably numb. That pretty much describes the trip across town and back again.

This morning, I’m tired but the kid is at the SAT and I’m at my desk doing most of the normal things I do every morning. Planning the rest of my day. Wondering whether I should file an insurance claim or just pay it out of pocket. And wondering where a good body shop is, close by.

Fuck.

At least Michelle Belle is in a cab, on her way home, after a nice Florida vacation.

At least JMP is adorable as ever (almost 19lbs of adorable.)

At least 99% of my Christmas shopping is done.

At least we finally finished listening to the most depressing YA book on the face of the earth.

At least the puppy hasn’t eaten baby Jesus, so far, today.

Fuck.