Daily Dose

Daily Dose of Music – Gay Cowboys

From the title of this post you might think I’m going to talk about all of the blog fluttering about Willie Nelson and his gay cowboys.  I’m not.  I don’t DO Willie Nelson.  I don’t like Willie Nelson.  I only tolerate discussions about Willie Nelson for the awesome Nuthinfancy and the amazing catnmousie.  So no, this is not about that MAN.  And I’m not sorry, either.

When I first heard about the movie Brokeback Mountain and all of it’s "awesome" gay cowboyness my first thought was Y’all and their song My Man, Our Horses, and Me from the OUT LOUD cd.  I tried very hard to push that image from my mind.  I saw the movie and while it wasn’t anything like the "classic" gay cowboy song that the Flamingo House Family has often giggled over, I couldn’t get that song out of my head.  It’s just that kind of song.  You say gay cowboys, I think "side saddle".  You say gay cowboys again and I think "her name is windy". 

Go listen – and if you’re so inclined, listen to some of our "family favorites" from the cd while you’re there… The only Indigo Girls song I like, "This Train"…  "Weddings are Icky", because they ARE! … Chris and his friends loved  "Shave Your Head", one of the kids really loved "Kiss My Sticky" (guess which one!) and of course Melissa Ferrick is awesome with a song she never sings in her live performances, "Taking a Liking".

Out Loud folks, with gay cowboys.  And no Willie Nelson in sight!

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Daily Dose of Shopping – Water

Sarah Gim at Slashfood wants to know how much we would pay for water – well that’s easy, whatever it costs! The bigger question is what would you DO for water? That answer is much more complicated.

Click that link to Slashfood for a second. See the picture? Well in that picture are two types of water that TW and I have spent a lot of money on (a lot being a relative term considering we seriously spend a lot on coffee) and searched the world over to find. See the bottle that’s all funky shaped? Jewel shaped is what TW calls it? That’s “her” water – or it was til all sorts of people started drinking it. See the tall, silver topped bottle of Voss water? That’s my water.

Let’s start with that jewel shaped bottle – (I have a confession to make, I don’t actually know what it is called even though I searched and searched and searched for it and did, in fact, buy it. I also can’t find an empty bottle here anywhere to figure out what it might be called.) – TW was at work and we were talking via AIM one day before Christmas. She starts talking about a water bottle that N or E or someone who I’ve obviously forgotten had. How it was a pretty jewel shape and how she really wanted that bottle. Apparently it could be found at Uppercrust. Well geez, that’s easy, Uppercrust is a block away. We can get that. Of course we didn’t get it. We promptly forgot all about it or went into sloth mode or tucked ourselves away in the bedroom to avoid the stress of Christmas shoppers and Upper Crust and Dorns type people so no jewel bottle shaped thing appeared in TW’s hand.

Then Mommy and Me Day arrived. Michelle took the day off from school and I took the day off from work and we spent the day together. Shopping – I hate shopping, she loves shopping. We compromised and shopped in places I like (except Walmart, which I hate but had to go there anyway). We hit Wild Iris and small shops downtown. And we went to Uppercrust and we began our search for TW’s jeweled water bottle. The problem is – I thought she meant water bottle, not bottle of water. So I thought I was looking for a sports bottle, refillable travel mug sort of thing. We searched and searched. We asked for help. Nothing. Never heard of it. As we were about to leave, I glanced into the cold cases and there it was. A jeweled looking BOTTLE OF WATER at which point I began to laugh and couldn’t stop laughing. One bottle of water purchased. Santa brought it in her stocking for Christmas. A whopping $2 or something like that – so Slashfood, that’s how much I’d pay. But the trouble I’d go to, that’s something else entirely.

sparkling_large.jpgNow let’s talk VOSS Water aka SEX water aka FRIENDS water. Depending upon who we are talking to. Though we may now have to refer to it as HURRICANE water because E is sure mommy is expecting a hurricane anytime now ’cause of all of the bottled water.

When I lived in SC our favorite restaurant was a little place called Friends in beatiful downtown Anderson, SC. Great restaurant, fun waitresses (remind me to tell you about Kate) and dyke owners (which is incredibly rare in Anderson, SC let me tell you). Lots of vegetarian choices and Voss Water. So, we’d go out for dinner, we’d buy a bottle of water (or three) and we’d go home to the attic and I’ll leave you with a copy of the Whole Lesbian Sex book to imagine what came next.

Well folks, Voss water is not easy to find outside of Anderson, SC and Dean & DeLuca – the only two places I think we’ve ever seen it “in the wild” – though TW will probably read this and correct me – regardless, it’s hard to find. And we’ve tried. **edited to add TW says that RJ told her “They sell that water at Dragonfly!” right after it arrived. Dragonfly is not a restaurant we visit. For multiple reasons. Figures, eh?**

TW surprised me a few months ago with two cases of Voss Water! TWO CASES! One case of each – 800ml and 350ml – sparkling only, please. So Slashfood – I’m guessing $75 for two cases, including shipping is how much we’d pay for Voss Water. It’s well worth it.

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Daily Dose of Coffee – Roasting

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TW and E roasted coffee beans this morning in the "old fashioned popcorn popper" that E and Michelle got for Christmas a couple of years ago.  This coffee bean roasting fun was my Valentine’s Day present!  Weird and fun, typical of TW in its awesomeness. 

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E was not really sure this was a good idea.  What if it hurt her popcorn popper?  The beans are prettier green than brown!  Are you sure this is how you are suppose to do this?  hehehe.  I don’t blame her for asking, the whole thing made me a little nervous too.  But, oddly enough, it seems to work. 

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We’re going to have peaberry (a favorite of mine) and the beans smell pretty terrific.  I’ll let you know how it tastes in a couple of days.  Apparently after roasting, the beans have to sit.  HMPH!  Oh we’ve got some other kind, besides peaberry and those are prettier – or maybe they just roasted them longer so they are darker? 

**Update** We’ve had three pots of the TW and Kids Popcorn Popper Roasted Coffee (TWKPPRC is how we’ll refer to it from now on, folks) and it’s awesome!  The lighter roasted beans (the first batch) had a really smooth taste.  The really really dark roasted beans was soooo strong, I loved it too!  The medium roasted beans were not my favorite of the three but the 1/2 child raved about it on the way to work this morning.  You can really TASTE the flavor or some such thing was said over and over again.  The word FRESH was also used.  I finally told him to shush up and let me drive in peace and save is rave reviews for TW after work.  So there you have it –  another marshmallowy TW present idea carried out to perfection.  I’m a lucky woman!

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Daily Dose of Vaginas – VDay

Last night’s performance of the Vagina Monologues was pretty ok.  Not the best I’ve seen but not bad at all.  There were some pretty good moments and some not so good moments which is as it should be, right?

Not so good moment #1, it was freezing.  Never attend a small performance in a very large and what appeared to be unheated bar in winter, even if it is in Florida.  Especially if the seats are those flip fold metal chairs.  We literally froze our butts off.  I should have let TW go to the car to get the travel blanket, silly me I thought it would warm up.  It didn’t.

Not so good moment #2, the tshirts were less than spectacular according to Michelle.  White is really not her "color" and the plain green or plain grey colored tshirts weren’t much better for her.  I thought they were fine but do agree they could have used a bit more "something". 

Not so good moment #3, we had to control laughter during My Vagina was My Village.  That has never happened before and I hope to (insert deity here) it never happens again.  That little monologue should not ever incite laughter, not even in TW and NEVER in me.  But last night, it did.  I thought having two women perform it was a fine idea but it didn’t work because those two women either didn’t quite grasp the idea (which I doubt) or couldn’t carry it off so they went for something else entirely.  That something else didn’t work.  At all.

Not so good moment #4, Reclaiming Cunt didn’t work for me. 

Not so good moment #5, Little Coochi Snorcher also didn’t work for me.  Which is my fault.  I’ve seen the show too many times.  I’ve seen this monologue done so well that I just have really high expectations.  It’s a hard monologue for anyone and last night a woman who is not a professional actress performed.  A woman who is in the shelter system.  I give this woman props for doing this monologue (oh along with a TG woman – splitting it up for two people was also a problem for me) but from a performance standpoint, it didn’t work.

Not so good moment #6 was really a pretty good moment, it was disconcerting that the woman who did The Flood (one of my personal favorite monologues – and no I don’t have dreams about Burt Reynolds, well not anymore) reminded me of the small children’s kindergarten teacher. 
Now onto the good parts…

Pretty good #1, Disconcerting or not, Mrs S she did a fine job on The Flood.  She didn’t push the NY/Jersey accent thing, which was good because that’s not an easy accent to do.  She just did it, as an older woman, and it worked very well.   She also did a pretty decent job on I Was There  in the Room.  I’ve got no complaints with that one either.

Pretty good #2, very nice job on The Vagina Workshop.  Accent and all.  I’m picky about accents and generally prefer people NOT do them if they aren’t really good at them.  I like this monologue a lot but not when done with a bad accent.  This one – good accent, good performer, good monologue.

Pretty good #3, choosing the right woman to represent the Angry Vagina is very very important.  Even if the woman chosen giggles her way through it, (you can giggle and express anger at the same time folks), it can work with the right performer.  Last night, right performer was chosen.  Nicely done.

Pretty good #4, we’ve never seen the Trans monologue (They Beat the Girl Out of My Boy…)  in person.  The three TG women who performed it did a nice job with it, I think.  Three very different women, together, it worked for me.  (Charles said this was his favorite monologue which made me and TW laugh but I suppose I can see why that would be the case)

Pretty good #5, Michelle’s new favorite monologue is My Short Skirt.  The young woman who performed it troubled me because she’s either a really good actress (which could be) or she’s got a history.  She was weepy during a couple of the monologues she was not performing and when she did hers, it felt pretty real to me.  (Which reminds me – Not So Happy Vagina Fact of the night – Gainesville has twice the number of rapes as the national average.  Twice. The. Number.)

Pretty good #6, Bob.  I like Bob, non-descript as he may be.  I often dislike the performances given of Bob, aka, Because He Liked to Look.  Some woman just don’t get it.  Maybe they’ve not yet found someone who liked to look?  Last night’s performance went well.  Interestingly, Michelle hates this monologue.  Not because she is uncomfortable with the idea that someone might like to look – she dislikes it because sending the message that women need someone else to appreciate their vaginas before they can appreciate them is wrong.

Pretty good #7,  Hair.  This is another one that I either love or hate, generally.  Last night, I didn’t love or hate it.  Love the performer.  Wish she’d slowed down a little.  Let it sink in a little.  The timing seemed just a little too off for me to love it.  But I didn’t hate it either, which is good.

Pretty good #8, Moans.  Again, choosing the right woman to perform is very important.  That happened last night.  Young girl, shaved head, a lot of enthusiasm for her subject.  She wandered the stage, she improvised (sometimes badly but her enthusiasm and excitement made it ok), and she had fun.  I liked it a lot, not because it was smoothly orchestrated like the professional performances and not because it was unusual in its presentation but because this young woman obviously enjoyed making her cast moan.  She obviously enjoyed the topic.  She obviously enjoyed herself.  Very important for vaginas and moaning.

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Daily Dose of Denise – Identity

What do you think? – Johari Window.  (Thanks gipsy!)

OK I posted this late yesterday shortly after listening to Nancy’s Northern Voice session so of course thoughts about identity and us/them and community were rumbling around in my head.  I had this really long half-written post about Nancy and community, then I spotted this little toy on Amber’s blog.  And poof, there went my post.  I can’t finish it because this is better.  And more interesting than my proposing marriage and pledging to love chocolate forever if she’ll have me.

This little Johari Window toy is really really interesting to play with.  If you can find someone you know in "real life" to join you in it, it’s interesting.  If you can find someone whose blog you’ve read for a long time to join you, it’s also interesting.  And if you can find someone whose blog you’ve only just started reading to join you, it’s interesting too.  See, interesting!

How do people see you?  People who know you well, in real life – people who know you well, online only – people who don’t know you at all?   This little box, with a handful of words says an awful lot. 

The first one I participated in was Gipsy’s – I’ve only just started reading her blog, (since January, when she first posted on Blogher).  So I don’t know her well at all.  I created one and two people who know me pretty well have responded and two more people who used names I don’t recognize have responded.  Then I joined Chalice Chick’s Johari Window and found the responses for her interesting, too. (I’ve been reading CC’s blog for more than six months but I don’t know her in person.)

How do people see me – and how do I see other people?  What sort of identity am I presenting here? In other online areas? In offline areas?  What do I see when I read gipsy’s blog?  When I read CC’s?  Why do I think these things? Feel these things?

Tons of questions.  No answers.  Or too many answers?  That’s what identity is, to me.  Tons of questions, tons of answers.  Sometimes the two intersect, sometimes they don’t.  Identity is like that.

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Daily Dose of Dreams – Words

I woke up with words running through my head.  It felt like the words came from a dream but I didn’t have any dream images floating around, just words.  And not like those dreams where you dream in chat text or message board text or ICQ text or whatever.  Not written words, just words.  Kind of weird.  Connecting the dots somehow, maybe making them into some word search or crossword puzzle,  seems like an interesting idea…

Smoke
Step-Mothers
Snow
Sing
Sand
Shoes

Yes, all S words.  And in that order.  The words just running through my head as I tumbled out of bed.

Weird – but then again I’m not a normal person and shouldn’t try to be or so a child told me this morning in a fit of giggles.

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Daily Dose of Dogs – Age

chanel.jpgChanel (and Big Jake) came to us by accident. We’d had a black lab for several years but a kid crisis and an open gate left us dogless at just the moment when a tragedy struck another family.

A friend of my son’s commited suicide. Chanel and Big Jake belonged to them. I discovered when I went to work at the kennel, where Chanel and Big Jake often stayed, after a mini vacation that the family was going to take them to the animal shelter for adoption because they were moving away and could not take the dogs.

I could not imagine those two dogs being separated from their family and from each other. We were dogless. The dogs knew me and I rather liked them both. I volunteered to take them. This all happened 5 1/2 years ago and Chanel, mom to Big Jake, is now almost 14 years old.

I rant often about these dogs. Taking them was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Jake is mean, mean, mean to anyone who does not belong in his home or his yard. He loves his family and anyone he decides is ok to add to his family. Everyone else, watch out! Chanel is, well, not the smartest cookie in the world and now, almost overnight, she’s aged and what was cute in a dumb blonde dog sort of way is becoming just plain sad.

She doesn’t hear well. She doesn’t see well. She is easily confused. She has forgotten all bathroom habits. She simply goes whenever and wherever (and it’s rarely outside). And if all of that wasn’t enough, there’s now the mobility factor.

The couch has always been her domain. She was raised to be the princess in her first family, a lapdog through and through. I never could train that out of her so I gave up. Now she has trouble getting onto the couch and trouble getting down. It hurts her and it hurts us to watch. She wandered upstairs yesterday afternoon. I have no idea what she was looking for but about halfway up she changed her mind and promptly tumbled down the stairs. I was afraid to get up and check on her. In fact, as I was dreading opening the bedroom door I heard her get up and walk away and only then was I able to move and really check on her.

On Monday morning, the normal jockeying for position outside of the bedroom door that is done every single day by all 4 cats and the dogs happened without her. She slept through it all. I had to actually wake her up in order to take her outside to not use the bathroom and eat. Helping her off of the couch, watching as she attempted to make her legs work, seeing her confusion about which direction to walk to in order to get outside – I almost cried.

This dog who has made so many things about my life more difficult than I’d like… this dog who I’m constantly cleaning up after… this dog who I often wish I did not have is old. It happened overnight, or so it seems. She was fine just a few months ago. Running around the yard chasing the kids, traipsing in and out of the girls’ bedrooms looking for someone to pet her, chasing the cats off of her preferred spot on the couch. Really she was fine. Now, she isn’t. I’m incredibly sad.

I didn’t think I’d feel this way. I’ve lost more dogs to age and military moves overseas than I can even count. My mom ran over a dog from my childhood in our doggone driveway. Another childhood dog squeezed out of the backyard fence and found a new home before we figured out where she was and my parents let the new family keep her. I’ve seen my share of dogs and seen them all go – but this one, this one is pretty near breaking my heart.

It’s time to let her go. I don’t want to, but it is time.

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Daily Dose of Queer – Marriage

Several months ago a group of bloggers were talking about us/them situations.  Specifically about how people might make decisions about who you are and what you believe based on what they read on your blog and what they know about other people "like" you.  A specific situation that I shared was that people will come to my blog (or my board) and once they know I’m in a lesbian relationship, they will assume I support gay marriage because other gay folks they know do.  I don’t.

Koan very nicely emailed me and asked if I would mind explaining why I felt this way.  Of course I didn’t mind, I also never made time to explain, either.  Well here I am, about to attempt an explanation and also attempt to explain why someone else’s writing speaks for me in such a way that I often want to use her words, her sexist words, when discussing and debating gay marriage.  I am somewhat doubtful that this will help her understand what I said or why I said it.  I am also going to be very clear and say that it doesn’t matter to me whether it does clear the fog, or not.  I learned long ago that it is often impossible to bring people to an understanding.  We’re all individuals.  Something that makes perfect sense to me will never make sense to you.  That’s ok, that’s life.  Differences are always good.  (Oh, and no cracks from the peanut gallery about the 3 paragraph rule! Or else! hehehe)

I am not in support of gay marriage.  (I am not in support of a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage either, though.)  I’m not out on the picket lines with the Christian Coalition or any other member of the far right (or middle America, for that matter), who is actively working to ban gay marriage.  I’m also not signing any petitions or waving any rainbow flags in support.  This is not my issue and I do not want to be used or have my relationship used either for or against marriage.  I have issues with marriage.

My issues with marriage have absolutely nothing to do with my 20+ year heterosexual marriage.  I had issues with the institution of marriage then, I just ignored those issues and got married anyway.  And stayed married.  As I grew up and grew older it became more difficult for me to ignore all of the issues I have with marriage.  And as I grew up and older and away from my now ex-husband, it became incredibly clear to me that I would not EVER get married AGAIN.  To anyone. 

I don’t really understand why anyone would, particularly any woman.  Except that culturally we view marriage as some magical bond between two people that everyone should want.  For me, that magic has absolutely nothing to do with a ceremony, religious or familial.  That magic has nothing to do with legal rights or finanical benefits.  That magic has nothing to do with a piece of paper or the way you’re treated in society when you tell people you are married. 

Marriage, the insitution, is something I can not support.  That doesn’t mean that I think bad thoughts about married couples.  That doesn’t mean I wasn’t incredibly sad about missing my oldest daughter’s wedding.  That doesn’t mean I wasn’t pleased as punch for my brother and sister in law when they got married a couple of years ago. 

When it comes to the gay fight for equal rights, I’m there ladies and gentleman.  I’m just not down with the idea that equal rights = marriage.  I think gay people (and those who support them) are hoping that once gays HAVE THE RIGHT TO MARRY then everything will be all rosy and bright and the scarey "right" will finally see that WE’RE JUST LIKE YOU!  Umm no. 

And this brings us to Twisty Faster and her awesome essay entitled Homos Need to Grow a Pair.  I’ve stumbled in and out of I Blame the Patriarchy for years (look at the date on the Essay in question!) and Twisty quite often says things that I agree with completely.  She also, occasionally, says things that I disagree with completely.  When I first read that particular entry about gays and marriage I wanted to jump up and down for joy.  Right on Twisty, right ON!  (If you have not taken the time to read the entire entry then you either should or you should just stop reading right here because the rest of this is really not going to make sense to you…)

Ever since I read that post, I’ve had an urge to say "Grow a pair!" every time I hear someone talk about wanting "gay marriage".  Obviously "Grow a pair" is not an argument.  I never suggested that one, tiny, sexist phrase was an argument or a phrase that would encourage anyone to come around to my way of thinking.  When I made that tiny little comment on Blogher a couple of days ago, in response to Grace’s post about Twisty Faster, I had no idea anyone would assume that was my entire argument.  Good grief! 

I did however know that there were women lurking who would take offense to the phrase "Grow a pair".  and if you look at my initial reply, you will see that what I said was "I want to say it" not that I do say it.  It is sexist.  But that is what made it stick in my head so long ago.  It is sexist and it was the perfect title for a post about marriage and the patriarchy and the incredibly obvious (to me) reasons why gay people should not be clamoring to join the club and why the conservative right ought to be clamoring to let us in.

No, "grow a pair" is not an argument, Koan.  I never said it was.  Yes, "grow a pair" is sexist.  Yes, it’s offensive.  But marriage is also sexist and also offensive – Koan said "if you can’t beat it, become it, is that it" – and "two wrongs don’t make a right" … exactly the point.

Gays are jumping all over themselves to win the right to marry because if we can’t beat ’em, become  ’em.  And no, two wrongs don’t make a right – so, ladies and gentlemen,  to paraphrase the great Twisty Faster – grow a pair and refuse to cave to the patriarchy, refuse to support the oppression and stop looking for world-wide validation of your relationships. 

**edited on 2/11/06 to include direct links to comments in the original discussion on Blogher**


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