Kid Talk

The mess this child makes…

2 Comments / Family Funk, Kid Talk /

Elly is like her mother – she leaves a trail of stuff wherever she goes. This is true of all things, books, food, toys, clothing – but it is especially true of crafting. And extra especially true of sewing.

TW’s new sewing machine is in the family room and when TW has not been using it, Elly has been. She made a stuffed rabbit yesterday. We woke up this morning to find pieces of fabric and stuffing covering every surface of the floor – from the family room to the office. (The dog helped make a bit of that mess, though.)

She spent today, taking him apart, putting him back together, and making clothes for him – the stuffed rabbit, not the dog. And she just brought me a little quilted scarf she made for him.

I think she needs to make a real quilt, don’t you?

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He’s Looking at ME!

2 Comments / Animal Issues, Daily Dose, Kid Talk /

You know all of the times one of my kids said that about one of his/her siblings, it annoyed the hell out of me. I was really kind of looking forward to all of the kids getting beyond the age where they said that. The number of times I heard it in a week had greatly diminished, and not just because the three big kids don’t live with us. It diminished because… the kids are growing up. And that was nice.

But then TW’s mother moved in and she brought that dog.

I don’t particularly like the dog. In fact, I pretty much hate him. I’m not the only one. Nobody in the house likes him even a tiny bit – well nobody except TW’s mom, she likes him which is as it should be since he is her damn dog. But whatever. I don’t like him. We don’t like him. The only person in the family who hasn’t said something bad about him (besides TW’s mom, who doesn’t count because she’s biased) is Christopher. Christopher likes animals better than people but even Christopher is troubled by this dog. You can tell by the way Christopher sheepishly looks at one of us when we curse him under our breath (curse the dog, not Christopher. When we curse Christopher, we do it really loudly – or via text message.)

I try really hard to ignore the dog except when I have to take him out. Or feed him. Or clean up the mess he has strewn from one end of the house to another – he eats paper. Even then I try to ignore him because if I don’t, I’ll say something like “I really hate that dog” and after I say it a few times, TW gets annoyed. She thinks you should just say it once and that should be enough – at least until SHE decides she needs to hate on him a bit, then it’s fine to say it more than once. Whatever.

The real issue though, with the dog, is that he looks at us.

And we do not like it one tiny bit.

Sometimes TW leaves the bedroom door open, or maybe one of the kids does, while I’m reading in bed. I look up and there’s that dog looking at me. Sometimes we’re standing on the back porch and he’s not using the bathroom, he’s just standing there – staring at me. I don’t like it. And sometimes I actually say, “He’s looking at me!!!”

On Sunday, Elly woke up in a really bad mood. TW listed all of the annoyances being faced by poor Elly:

1)      TW made pancakes and didn’t put chocolate chips in them. (Oh noes!)

2)      TW refused to let Elly add chocolate chips to the top of them. (Gasp!)

3)      Prince J was chewing! In that loud way he does but even louder. On purpose! (Oh the injustice!… but really I  understand this because sometimes people chewing bugs me too, and I told TW this. She said I sound like my mother. Whatever.)

4)      KOTO LOOKED AT HER! (Well. There you have it. I can’t argue with that. )

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Poorly Chosen Vacation Days

2 Comments / Daily Dose, Kid Talk, Work /

When Diane nicely emailed me last month to remind me that I have a zillion hours of PTO and that I really needed to begin to use some of those hours, I laughed because I’d just been thinking about that very thing. After clarifying with her that I really don’t have a zillion hours and I only have about a trillion, I decided I’d take a few days off early in November in order to catch up on some stuff that I haven’t had time to do.

I looked at the calendar, nothing jumped out at me as the perfect days to take some time off. I asked TW if she had any preferences, she did not provide any input. I looked at the calendar again.

I decided on Thursday and Friday because the little kids would be here and I could help TW with the driving to school and stuff. And I chose Monday because I knew we were going to have an especially busy weekend with our circus adventure on Sunday. There’s nothing worse than waking up Monday morning and feeling like you didn’t have any “weekend” time.

Smart choices, right?

All of this made even more sense once I found out that on top of the normal kid busy-ness and the circus, we would be driving RJ to hell and back all weekend long for her high school play. Thank goodness I took Monday off, right? Right!

Thursday was a most excellent day off and I was feeling pretty darn good about my PTO — until this morning.

5am and RJ is barreling down the stairs (which are right outside of our bedroom.)  I did manage to fall back asleep but the alarm went off at 6am. I groaned and thought about going back to sleep – TW could just take the kids to school and I could enjoy my vacation by sleeping in. Hah. That doesn’t work because both RJ and the Prince use the shower in my bathroom. I sighed. Got out of bed. Made my way blearily to the bathroom. Threw on some clothes. Stumbled to the door and there was RJ tapping her foot waiting to get in to my bathroom.

At that point I wondered what in the hell I was thinking when I scheduled vacation during a kid weekend – a kid weekend when the kids have to go to school. There’s nothing worse than being on vacation and having RJ wake you up at 5am, barrel past you into your bathroom for a shower, and obsessing about how late she’s going to be when you pull up in front of her school more than a half hour before the first damn bell.

That is not relaxing. That is not the stuff vacations are supposed to be made of.

Someone remind me of this when I prepare to take my PTO hours in February, ok?

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She Knows it ALL

3 Comments / Daily Dose, Family Funk, Kid Talk /

Last night, sometime after 10pm, TW was trying to herd the children to their rooms or at least into some more quiet activities. This rarely works. Or to be accurate, it rarely works quickly. This type of round up tends to bring all of the children into MY errr OUR bedroom where they are louder than if they’d stayed where they were making their generic loud noises. This round up tends to frustrate me after about 15 minutes of loud in MY errr OUR bedroom – I’m done.

So the Prince and Elly had been in the bedroom, loudly, for quite some time when RJ barreled through, heading for the bathroom. As she barreled through, TW said, “When you come out I’d like to talk to you about some Rebecca issues.” RJ ignored that and continued into the bathroom where she brushed her teeth (loudly) while the other two pondered what the “Rebecca issues” might be. TW told them to leave because it was BEDTIME. They didn’t leave, which is normal. RJ barreled out of the bathroom and tried to barrel past her siblings when TW said, “Wait Rebecca, I’d like to talk to you….” At which point, RJ turned around with that defiant teenage girl look and said….

“Yes, I’ve done my homework. Yes, I know where my cell phone is. No, I don’t need more therapy. Yes, I’m sure I have done ALL of my homework. Yes, I’ll use a condom. No, I don’t feel like committing suicide. No, I don’t think you’re a failure as a mother. No, I don’t have any problems I’d like to talk about. Yes, I know what my vagina should smell like”

And with that, any thought of having a serious discussion with RJ about anything was out the window.

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Generation Gap

Daily Dose, Family Funk, Kid Talk /

Elly: I like cornhole

TW: No you don’t, that’s a bad word. You do not say that.

Elly: What!?! No it’s not, it’s a game! I like that game.

TW: NO it’s a horrible horrible word and you must stop saying it.

Elly: Huh. It’s just a fun game. You throw bean bags or cob of corn into a hole in a piece of plywood!

TW: It’s beanbag toss with a DIRTY NAME.

Elly: What’s so dirty about it? ….. OH. I get it. Never mind.

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WTH is a Chick Flick?

1 Comment / Daily Dose, Family Funk, Kid Talk, Movies & Television /

TW and I were in the bedroom reading. TW’s mom was in the family room watching TV. The kids were in their rooms doing whatever it is that kids do on a lazy Sunday morning. RJ wandered into the family room and TW and I eavesdropped on this conversation:

TW’s Mom: Rebecca, can you find me a good chick flick to watch?

RJ: A chick flick? Sure! What do you like?

(RJ wanders over to the cabinet with the movies….)

TW’s Mom: I don’t like violence, so a chick flick would be great.

RJ: Have you seen Lion King?

TW’s Mom: No, I haven’t seen that.

RJ: (Rambling about how great Lion King is…) How about Aristocats, have you seen that?

TW’s Mom: No, I haven’t seen that.

RJ: (Rambling about how great Aristocats is…) Or Lady & the Tramp?

TW’s Mom: No, I don’t think I’ve seen that either.

(TW and I are laughing our asses off….)

Elly (yelling from Prince J’s room): The Sisterhood of the Traveling pants is a great chick flick, it’s a light romance!

TW’s Mom: Sisterhood of what?

Elly: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

TW’s Mom: Rebecca a chick flick is a movie that girls want to watch but boys usually do not.              

RJ: Oh! Like Twilight. Would you like to watch Twilight.

TW’s Mom: Some mumbled response that TW and I could not hear because we were laughing our asses off.

Elly (now in the family room, trying to take control of the situation): We should watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, it’s a great chick flick. You’ll love it.

TW’s Mom: We’ll watch Lion King first and that Pants thing second.

(TW’s mom’s phone rings…. She answers and says “I can’t talk right now, I’m watching a chick flick with Rebecca…”)

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