Family Funk

You can see, insanity runs in the family.


Whoever invented those fruit snack sticker things should be shot.


It’s one thing for a 10 year old to stick them all over her body, it’s something else for an almost 40 year old to do it…


I live with this insanity… geez.

I know this season of Survivor is in Gabon but Michelle embarked on her first solo road trip and is CAMPING. It really feels like Survivor and I’m wondering when she will call me and tell me that she got voted off the La Fayette, Georgia island and is heading home early – or at least to a hotel.

When the kid was here a couple of weeks ago, she started a new 101 things in 1001 days list (after making fun of the fact that I gave up on my list and let it expire without updating it or ever thinking about it again. The kid is a brat, she takes after her father – and TW.) On her list was something like “go on a road trip all by myself”.

Yesterday after class she got in TW’s her little blue car and hit the interstate.

This is a really big deal. Not because Michelle isn’t independent, she is – mostly. It’s a big deal because she just got her license last spring. She’d never driven on the interstate at all until earlier this week, and she only did it then in preparation for this trip.

She called me after she crossed the Georgia border – and yes I was a nervous wreck until she called. Then, she called me from Perry, Georgia (which should have been around the halfway mark.) And then, she was supposed to call me in another 1 1/2 to 2 hours… and she didn’t! 3 hours went by and she hadn’t called. And yes, I was an honest to God wreck.

Because after Perry, Georgia comes I475 which is not a big deal but the merge back onto I75 can be a freaking nightmare. A gazillion lanes, people driving a gazillion miles an hour, people merging all over the place.

So, I called her – and left a message – and then, my phone buzzed, I looked down and there was a voice mail from an hour ago! She had called and my phone hadn’t rung – and it hadn’t told me it was a voice mail until after I called her. Thank goodness. I could stop worrying. Sort of.

She called me back a few minutes later and said she was almost there, “looking for the road to turn on in what should be six miles”. I told her to call me when she got there… another hour went by and I called her again. She was sort of maybe lost. Except she had talked to Fred, Fred, Wet the Bed and she was close, but she was stopping at a gas station to find out exactly where she was and Fred, Fred, Wet the Bed would meet her.

A few minutes later, she called back again – and her journey to La Fayette was over. Next up… camping.

She called this morning – she slept in TW’s her little blue car last night. She had not had any food, she has no idea what they eat while they’re camping. And then, she screamed… BEE!!!!!!!!!!! And I suggested maybe she should just continue to sleep in the car but she insisted she was going to hang up and set up her tent – which probably means she was going to hang up and make Fred, Fred, Wet the Bed or Ned, Ned, Good in Bed set up her tent.

*Fred and Ned are long time friends – they started as Chris’s friends and became Michelle’s friends. They are on a little road trip – driving around, camping, rock climbing, visiting Fred’s family in NC and then onto Missouri or some such place. They’ve been hanging out at some place called Rock Town for awhile, and that’s where Michelle is trying to “Survive” for the weekend.*

I’d better hurry and update you on the goings on of the oldest child, the one I tend to call the bad daughter, before her siblings arrive at O’Hare in a few hours.

First, she is getting married (and if Prince J was here, he’d be yelling PATRIARCHY – darn I love that boy.) The date has been set. March 21, 2009. A location has been chosen. It will be an outdoor wedding, at some place in Monks Corner, SC. (I’ve got a link here somewhere and I’ll post it another time.)

They’d planned to do an indoor wedding at this place but the stuffed dead animals were a turn off. Apparently they aren’t thrilled with a full sized dead bear being in all of their wedding photos?

Also, her bank hasn’t failed and they’re doing a thriving business due to MY poor bank’s failure.

And, she tossed in the fact that she had a abnormal pap smear a few months ago that she completely forgot to mention, and was heading to the doctor for a colposcopy this afternoon. My kids never tell me anything important.

Oh, one more thing about the wedding – she’s not having anything pink. Weird. This is the bad daughter who loves, loves, loves pink. She’s thinking “olive green”? The kid has gone nuts. Patriarchy does bad things to people. Remember that.

Because Lee has been waiting and because it is wrong to always allow the middle child to be overshadowed by his siblings… an update on Chris’s whereabouts and activities. Or, as much of an update as I’ve got.

When last we saw the boy, he was moving all of his belongings to a storage warehouse thing in Micanopy with plans to live in a tent (that happened to have a broken zipper) on the 1/2 child’s property in Micanopy. He was going to live in said tent just until “they” built a storage shed/barn thing to live in. And he was going to just live in this storage shed/barn thing until the group of “American Turd Association” kids in the greater Gainesville region built communal housing on said property.

Well, things being what they are in Florida in the summer (hurricanes) and Chris being a child who is somewhat addicted to his computer (OK completely addicted due to WoW) and the “American Turd Association” kids being errr “American Turd Association” kids nothing got built and Chris is now living in a nice little two bedroom apartment in downtown Gainesville. The half child is also living there, in his own bedroom.

(Chris made this clear on the phone to me yesterday – why he felt the need to make that clear is beyond me. Did he think I suspected him of living in sin with the 1/2 child? I mean I wouldn’t be surprised or anything, knowing the crush the 1/2 child has always had on Chris. But whatever. Who cares? As long as they’re in a house and not in a tent with a broken freaking zipper.)

He’s also down to only one cat (Astroth) and the three turtles (they’ve gotten larger because he put them in a much bigger tank and I’m sure it won’t be long before he decides to get an even BIGGER tank to see just how big those things can get.) As far as I know, he has no girlfriend but there were some text messages from him indicating he was having difficulty texting some girl I’ve never heard of… hmmm I’ll have TW question him appropriately on that front next week when he is here – and we can watch him blush.

The boy has been “threatening” to get a motorcycle and though my so-called friend at the LYS tried to tell me he had done so (along with getting more tattoos) it turns out he’s purchased a bicycle instead. And he’s happily riding his bike from downtown (near GRU) to work everyday (not near GRU at all) and home again. He says it’s a great way to kill an extra hour everyday. (Ah to be young and in need of ways to kill time!)

The kid is very happy with his iPhone though he is disgruntled with iTunes for reasons that most of us are always disgruntled with iTunes. (Not being able to use more than one computer etc…) He’s also looking forward to visiting us next week.

There you have it – an update on the oh so boring middle boy child. Lee’s favorite.