Women

Thanks, Heather

4 Comments / Community Chest, Daily Dose, Women /

I don’t blog much but today, it seems appropriate.

We lost Heather B. Armstrong (Dooce). And while I have a thousand thoughts in my head after typing that sentence, they’re confusing, disjointed, and complex. I guess that makes sense – Heather could be all of those things at any given moment. She was also a huge part of my blog life, though she certainly didn’t know it.

I knew her. She knew me. We’ve talked at BlogHer. We’ve talked on Twitter and blog post comments. We didn’t have much in common beyond blogging, kids, and the tendency to tell people things they don’t like to hear. With the thousands of blogs I read every day for YEARS, you might not think hers was one of the first I’d read in the morning – but it was. I have so many reasons to thank her – some silly, some not silly at all. Here are some of those…

Heather introduced me to the amazing Flor carpet tiles – and then I won 30 tiles. I had no idea my young dog (Skeeter) would decide they were dog toys and chew the shit out of them. I put them away and brought them out again after we moved to Florida – surely my dogs, (five years older) would not chew them since by then they didn’t really chew shit they shouldn’t (except for people food and sticks and chickens.) Alas, someone (BUSTER YOU ASSHAT) decided that peeing on them was exactly what he needed to do. Often. And while they are washable, they aren’t that MFing washable. I still have them and hope someday I can enjoy them. Without chewing or peeing.

In like 2009ish, TW was doing an Influencer thing with Home Goods and they gave her a gift card to go shopping. When we talked about what we’d like to buy… we both thought about those quirky dog statues you used to be able to “buy” on Wheel of Fortune back when you shopped with your winnings (why did they stop doing that? That was the best part of the show. Get rid of Pat, and bring back the damn shopping). Unfortunately, Home Goods did not have any of those types of dogs but they DID have this one. His name is Chuck (IYKYK). He’s been through a lot over the last 15 years but he’s still (mostly) standing. I talk to him often and ALWAYS think of his namesake and of Heather.

At some point after Johnny Mac Pippin was born, Heather blogged about having an oil painting done by Paul Ferney as part of a Commission Project he was starting. You could send him a photo and he’d paint it in oil and frame it for you. It was a wee bit expensive but not out of my price range. I thought it would be a fabulous Christmas gift for my mom – so I sent Pippin’s photo and ordered it. And then I ordered another the next year with the idea that I’d send a new one to my mom every Christmas and she’d send me the one she’d had all year. When she sent me the next one, I’d give the one I’d had all year to Jenn. Rinse and repeat and ultimately, Jenn would have them all.

Paul stopped doing the commission project paintings but by then, it was tradition so I found another painter and the series goes on with paintings of Squishy Doodle and Baby Evergreen now. Every damn Christmas my mother threatens to keep the one she’s had all year and every year I think I’m going to have to drive up there and retrieve my damn painting. It’s a great tradition – I highly recommend it. Thanks to Heather for getting us started. I never would have thought of doing this on my own.

Now onto the big stuff. The thing I’m most thankful to Heather for.

Because I read, and commented on, and promoted blogs all day long, every day, for many many years – I clung to the blogs that ALWAYS left me feeling something.

Whether it was a gorgeous photo, a birthday letter to her children, a ridiculous post about The Former Congressman, Chuck (whose death I admit to crying over for a very, very long time), growing up in the Mormon church, or her honest and raw posts about post-partum depression – I often didn’t agree with Heather or understand where she was coming from, but I always left her blog feeling something. Not all bloggers can do that – not even the very good bloggers or the very successful bloggers. Heather had that gift, (or curse?)

I cannot imagine how difficult it was to be Heather B. Armstrong. How difficult it was to try to live her life, raise her children, do her job, manage her depression, and deal with the horrifying hatred coming from people who participated in sites that I won’t name. She was so strong, even when she broke. I admired that strength. I admired her ability to keep telling her story. I admired her ability to keep going.

And here’s where I struggle – I don’t want to end this without mentioning how difficult it was to read Dooce, particularly in recent years. Heather made mistakes. She hurt people. She was not a perfect person. I don’t want to talk about Heather or look back on her legacy – yes, legacy – with rose-colored glasses, but I also am not interested in re-hashing … anything that’s happened before. I told her what I thought, while she was still here. That’s enough.

We’ve lost someone who changed more lives than she knew, read this insightful piece for more about that.

Thanks, Heather. Thanks for all of it.

Thanks, Heather Read More »

No Recap?

2 Comments / Community Chest, Daily Dose, Women, Work /

Is this the first year I haven’t written a post-BlogHer conference post? I think it might be. Which probably tells you something about my life right now. I hope it doesn’t lead you to believe I didn’t love the conference, because I definitely did. Some of the keynotes during ’13 will probably go down as my all time favorites.

Don’t believe me? Go watch some of the BlogHer ’13 videos and see if you don’t agree.

I’ll start you off with this one, Facebook fangirl that I am.

No Recap? Read More »

My personal highlights from BlogHer 08

13 Comments / Daily Dose, Women, Work /

In the order in which they pop into my head, which means pretty much nothing, these are the moments that stand out as highlights from my attendance of BlogHer 08….

1) Seeing Whymommy in the elevator. I didn’t really see her anywhere else, just there. And it was so damn good to see her there. It’s hard to explain, it’s just how I felt.

2) Having the opportunity to declare my love and respect for Shannon at rocks in my dryer in person.

3) Being at the right place at the right time to help a friend who was struggling. I just wish I’d had some kleenex for her.

4) “Crashing” the midlifebloggers ROYO and talking to the midlifers in person, rather than on the forums or in comments. Hi Byjane!

5) The women without children panel. I loved it. Really loved it. In some weird irrational way that makes sense only to the people who know me really really well – like TW and my kids.

6) Screaming in the lobby of the St Francis (and I do mean screaming) “Big Yellow Houseeeeee”. and making Chris Jordan blush and cringe at the same time. Awesome.

7) Kissing Badger! hahahaha and every other woman at the conference, at least it seems that way.

8) Listening to TW gush about Kaboodle.

9) Kristy Sammis. I can’t really pinpoint one thing about her. It’s everything about her. Even when something is going terribly wrong or on the verge of going terribly wrong – she’s calm, cool, collected and fixes it all. Or when she’s not calm, cool and collected – she’s funny as hell. Oh wait, she’s funny as hell all of the time. I cannot imagine what BlogHerCon would be without Kirsty. I don’t want to think about it. Nightmare. Actually, I don’t want to think about a world without Kristy, so let’s move on, ‘k?

10) Passing out vibrators (thank you Maria and good vibes.)

11) Watching Macy’s employees cringe with a smile every time a wine glass hit the floor in the handbag department.

12) The community keynote.

13) Watching the expressions on faces the first time they were exposed to The Bloggess.

14) Dodging the roombas in the cafe.

15) Being able to thank people for a lot of things, in person. Being able to answer a lot of questions, from a lot of people, in person. I’m quick with email and my customer service is pretty damn good but being able to touch bases in person with someone I’ve helped in email is really nice.

I could actually go on and on and before long have highlighted the entire darn conference… these are just a few of the small things and a few of the big things that will stick with me.

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The biggest lesson learned from BlogHer ’08

10 Comments / Books in Bed, Daily Dose, Health and Wellness, Non-Fiction, Women, Women, Work /

I’m not sure it’s really a lesson learned, more like a very big reminder of something I already knew. A very big reminder of something I already knew and should be doing but probably won’t.

I should blog more often.

That’s it. That’s the big lesson. The big reminder. It’s not anything new, I say it all of the time. I need more time to blog. I don’t have time to blog. I missed my own damn deadline (no CEs are reading this, right?)

I’m not blogging much and while I miss it, I don’t really spend a lot of time thinking about it or trying to juggle my schedule or my energy so I can do it. It’s not a big deal, nobody is reading my blog anymore anyway. And, I keep contracting great writers on BlogHer so I’m not missed there either.

Except, that damn community keynote on Friday reminded me that I actually have been known to write posts that are important.

When we were reading the zillion entries for the community keynote and I saw Y’s post about body image was one of the submissions, I cringed. I cringed because I knew I’d get all weepy if I read it again. I had a hard time writing my post about Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters. I had a hard time reading Y’s post when she published it and I was right, I had a horrible time reading it again during the selection process. And then listening to her read that post…during the keynote… ack.

That damn keynote.

Emotional subject matter with a little something else thrown in – the reminder that I really should blog more often because I do occasionally write stuff that other people appreciate reading.

The biggest lesson learned from BlogHer ’08 Read More »

The Joy

2 Comments / Daily Dose, Day to Day, Women, Work /

We have discovered a silver lining in this sow’s ear of a move. Living within a few miles of the mother of THE Jory DesJardins… being able to see the childhood home of THE Jory DesJardins… being able to sit at a desk in the girlhood bedroom of THE Jory DesJardins…being able to wander into the basement that THE Jory DesJardins spent time in as a child… what a silver lining that is.

fireplace.jpgI mean seriously. Jory’s house… we walked in and we felt immediately at “home” even though the house itself didn’t look like my childhood home, it felt familiar and comfortable. But let’s not talk about the house. Or about Jory. Let’s talk about Joy – from Joy of Six.

joy.jpgJoy is awesome. She’s fun to work with and fun to hang out and chat with. We laughed and we laughed and we laughed, and we weren’t always laughing at stories about Jory as a little girl. We laughed about all sorts of things.

I still don’t really relish the idea of moving north but at least Joy will be there and she’ll let us come and hang out with her in that cool house and she’ll tell us stories about her kids and her grandkids and we’ll just laugh and laugh some more.

Silver lining.

The Joy Read More »

BlogHers Act: You can help empower women of South Africa and end HIV/AIDS stigma

6 Comments / Community Chest, Daily Dose, Health and Wellness, Money Talks, News and Politics, Women /

When I was building the landing page for our BlogHers Act – GlobalGiving campaign I went ahead and made my donation before we officially launched. It’s always good to test these things, I like testing things.

I looked closely at all five projects and thought about whether I wanted to donate to all of them or just one of them or a few of them. I’m going to be really honest and say that it was super easy for me to donate money to some of them – how do you say “no” to $10 paying for a year of health care for five women or children? That’s just too easy. There’s a huge “wow! my money can do that!” factor. But, when I got to the PWN Project to End HIV/AIDS Stigma in South Africa and saw “$50 provides counseling and education for two women with AIDS” there just wasn’t a “Wow” factor. HIV/AIDS is an issue I care a lot about and if I didn’t feel the “Wow” then I’m guessing most other people didn’t feel it either.

Then I noticed that Erin had assigned this project to me to blog and I spent two days wondering how to bring that “Wow” to you – so that you’d give. But a strange thing happened to me as I was researching, I got angry and I felt sad and I was proud of my donation to this project – “wow” or no “wow”.

Let me show you what I found.

First stop, the project landing page at GlobalGiving for the basics.

The Positive Women’s Network helps HIV-positive women, who are often ignored or blamed for their infections, to support themselves and their families and fight against the AIDS stigma in South Africa.

I clicked over to the PWN external project home page where I saw a link to an audio interview with Prudence Mabele. (You should click over to it and turn it on to listen to while you read the rest of this post. Some music will play and a little newsy type of blip, and then the interview will start. Be patient, it’s worth it.)

While I was listening, I launched a google search for PWN, AIDS South Africa and Prudence Mabele and this is where I began to feel frustrated and sad and angry.

From allAfrica.com:

Women are at a greater risk of contracting HIV than men because of social, cultural and biological factors like child marriages, polygamy, rape, defilement, wife inheritance, poverty, exploitation and ignorance.

Last year, Sizakele Sigasa,an outreach co-ordinator at the Positive Women’s Network and a lesbian and gay rights activist, and her friend Salome Masooa, were tortured and murdered.

Sigasa was found with her hands tied with her underpants and her ankles tied with her shoelaces, with three bullet holes in her head and three in her collarbone.

The most obvious next stop was more information about the woman whose voice I was listening to. And here’s where the inspiration comes.

Prudence Mabele, one of the first African women to say publicly “I am HIV+” and founder of the Positive Women’s Network.

Ten years ago, when Prudence Mabele discovered she had HIV, she was told to abandon her studies. She was working towards her degree in analytical chemistry at a time when HIV was neither understood nor tolerated in South Africa. “There were a lot of problems then”, she said. “They didn’t understand a lot about AIDS, so they told me to leave what I was doing because I was going to infect staff and students. They thought if I was at the laboratory I would infect people.”

This woman started something amazing in a country where women are property of their husbands and can become property of their husbands brothers if their husbands die.

Babweteera says a major concern in her area is the practice of wife inheritance. When a man dies, his wife can be inherited by his brother, which when combined with polygamy, can lead to a greater spread of HIV.

And then, I found this youtube video created by a 16 year old girl who supports the work of PWN.

If that wasn’t enough, a couple of hours after I’d finished my research and was wandering around BlogHer – reading posts, catching up on forum entries, I stumbled into a very personal story about AIDS in South Africa.

One four and half year old from an ordinary suburb, with a dog and a pool, was being treated for AIDS.

Now, let me show you just a few more things. Go and read Jenn’s post about Mommybloggers helping Mommybloggers. Go and listen again to Maria Niles talking to Eve Ensler about the power of women and did you see what happened when Jen Lemen asked her community, many of whom are BlogHer members, for help? And imagine, just imagine, what Laurie and Nordette are getting involved in while they’re at SuperLove this weekend.

Women are changing the world through writing, through action, and through donations.

Go on – blog this. Please, tell people about what PWN is doing to help women and families in South Africa and then make a donation to PWN.

Wow.
cross posted about BlogHer

BlogHers Act: You can help empower women of South Africa and end HIV/AIDS stigma Read More »

Contentious

1 Comment / Daily Dose, Women, Work /

I love Amy Gahran. She’s good people. And brilliant. And I’m not just saying that because she mentioned me in her good people video. Or just because she mentioned TW. Or just because she mentioned BlogHer.

For years, I would send links to Amy’s posts to my boss and coworkers – trying to plead my case for the “company” moving into social media and social marketing – trying to convince “them” that we needed to have a discussion with people.

And then, there was that somewhat drunken cocktail party by the pool at BlogHerCon06 when Amy pulled her mic out of her pocket to record AllAboutGeorge and instantly he pulled his mic out to record Amy. It was brilliant. A fantastic example of what we’re all doing out here in the blogosphere.

And then there was the time when Amy started the whole buzz about whether or not it was professional to share personal details about your life on your blog or with your clients. That survey, do you remember the survey? Not only is Amy brilliant, she’s brave.

OK enough already, I need to get to work.

Contentious Read More »