I don’t really DO National Coming Out Day. I don’t like the concept. There seems to be an awful lot of pressure on people to do this “thing” – some “thing” related to “coming out”. And that pressure can weigh pretty heavily on people causing them to take some action, make some grand statement and “come out” when it isn’t really in their best interest TO come out.
Oh sure, some of you might think it’s always a good idea to be OUT, it isn’t. Not everyone has a support group, a safe working or educational environment, friends or family who will support them. Some people live in exactly the opposite situation where coming out means pain, suffering, physical violence and emotional violence.
It would be nice if this wasn’t the case – but then we wouldn’t really need a “Coming Out Day” because folks would just immediately BE out, wouldn’t they? It’s all so complicated and I am not a fan of complications.
Don’t come out if you aren’t in a good place. Don’t feel like you HAVE to come out or else someone may judge you as “not gay enough”. Don’t feel like you need to have some big event to be out, you really don’t. Just be yourself and do whatever you have to do to stay safe.
I wonder how many people came out today – and got teased at school, got beat up, got thrown out of their homes, got fired…. I’ll like National Coming Out Day a hell of a lot more when we don’t actually have to have it.
I don’t understand the pressure, either. I don’t think folks are ready to come out until they’re ready to come out. I won’t hijack your comments to talk about my coming out debacle, but let’s just say it wasn’t the smoothest process. At all. Maybe this day is meant more as some kind of GLBT support/awareness day, but isn’t that what Pride is for? I’ll stick to holidays with some clarity, like Arbor Day.
I think it’d be better, perhaps, if today were the day that Straight Allies came out as such. I’m not sure about the logistics of that. But it would create a safer environment, I think. Those in the closet would know that they weren’t alone (unless they were…).
I consider myself an ally; I’ve spent some time getting to know the people in our school’s Pride group, and yeah, based on everything I hear, it’s not good to come out when others think you should unless you’re ready. There are so many stories about people not having positive coming out experiences, and I think it would be important to be prepared for that.
Like I said, this is just based on others’ experiences. The closest experience I have is dealing with an invisible illness which some don’t believe in. But to me, that’s not even close to the experience of coming out, because I think there is more stigma, and fewer people who try to understand. So really, it doesn’t compare except for the rare occasion of being accused of “just wanting to be sick” which does happen.
Coming out week does seem to be good in that it does tell others that there are others who have been where they are, I’d think. And it might provide some encouragement, but if people are going to react negatively, I’m not sure that it would change anything.
Pride is holding a bonfire to share coming out stories. I was going to go, but the cold makes my pain worse, and I don’t feel well enough to go. I truly hope others will go and hear the experiences of others, though.
I hope this makes sense and is taken in the spirit offered…..