Us/Them, Us/Them, Us/Them, it’s everywhere!
Once again, I find myself listening to a bunch of lesbians (and maybe some bisexual women I’m not sure though because the last time this group argued it was about the inclusion of bi women and I just don’t know how that ended up) talk about excluding F2M transgendered folks from their group.
This is happening on a Yahoo Group for lesbians in my area. It’s a pretty boring group, as far as groups go, until someone who doesn’t belong makes her (or his) presence known and then all heck breaks loose.
The group very clearly says it’s is for lesbian women (though I’m sure they use some other spelling womyn or wimmin or something more granola-y old world pc like that) and some just do not like it when those who don’t fit those two categories join in.
It doesn’t matter if they’re great people. It doesn’t matter if they’re active in the GLBT community. It doesn’t matter one little bit. If you aren’t a lesbian and a woman then you don’t apply to join and if you get in somehow, go away quickly or they”ll eat your young!
It’s all so tiring.
I understand women only spaces. I even support them, sort of. I mean if you look at my 101 things to do in 1001 days, you’ll see Go to Michigan on that list. And while some people enjoy visiting Michigan just for no good reason, the reason I want to go is to attend, just once, the Michigan Womyn’s Festival. Those folks have a serious women born women policy. I don’t love it but I understand it and respect the idea behind it. (That’s a post for another day, folks so don’t get me started!)
I also understand the point being made by the most vocal woman on the list – a transgendered F2M considers himself to be a man and she supports that. So much so that she feels he does not belong in this particular Yahoo group because a) he’s a man b) he’s partnered with a woman which makes him heterosexual c) and that makes the "once lesbian" partner heterosexual. Makes sense, really. I understand it and I agree with her. You can’t have it both ways, can you?
I understand the people screaming and yelling about what a nice guy he is and how he grew up as a girl in a patriarchal society. I understand that these folks appreciate his life experience as a serious butch in the lesbian world until finally realizing he wasn’t such a butch, he was a man! I understand why some people want to allow him access to the list, simply because he’s awesome and they can learn from him.
I understand it all and it all makes sense. What I don’t understand, what doesn’t make sense, is why all of the screaming and yelling? I mean really? The list says X so we must follow X or we must change the list so it says XY or maybe XY XX YY or something. Talk it out, make a decision and move on. Please. It’s been a month of this. How long does it take to decide? And what in the world does God have to do with any of it? No wait, forget I asked. I don’t really want to know the answer, it would just mean another month of arguing back and forth.
Us/Them, Us/Them, Us/Them Enough already!
Technorati Tags: glbt, transgendered, lesbian, F2M, usthem
Hi! This is Penny from My So Called Lesbian Life. Our local group (Brevard Lesbians) has had similar problems. I understand your frustration! Luckily, as moderator of the group I can usually make the discussion at least a short one!! 🙂 Our group statement reads ‘for those who identify as lesbian’….hopefully putting the burden on the person and not what everyone else thinks of them. We haven’t had any F2M with this kind of statement, but we have several (very treasured) members who are M2F. However, everytime a bi joins the group and introduces themselves as bi, all hell breaks loose, and I have to step in and calm everyone down! I’m with you….life is too short to get bent out of shape over something so small.
~P
Hey Penny – that’s really the problem with this group. The woman who started it meant well but she’s not very good at moderating at all. I don’t think she understood that these sorts of things happen and everytime a fight breaks out she just sits in shock, assuming everything will work out. She did finally say enough, no more on this topic, let’s move along but it’s too little too late.
🙂
LOL, this is why I get so annoyed with the lesbian community….we splinter off into the smallest possible segments, process information for the sake of saying we did it, never make a final decision and forget what the real issue was to begin with….I’m sure the God answer would be interesting! I dare you – ASK!
Snort.
UH huh, that snort came from someone who loves trolls. 😉
I seriously had a comment on my blog: “So do you call yourself the wife, or the husband”. When I stopped laughing I said “I call myself single”. I’m just hoping that particular reader isn’t the type that says “oh, I have a lesbian friend, you should meet her” because you know, we’re all exactly alike. Womyn! Can’t live with ’em, can’t shoot ’em. Or is it wimin? I can never keep track.
I don’t know whether it’s womyn, wimmin, wemmen or umm what. I don’t even care anymore. I will leave that for the youngsters who spell “your” as “ur” anyway.
Ack! The wife/husband thing – at least those people have an excuse. I can’t find a reasonable excuse for the ridiculous questions one gay person will ask another or a reasonable excuse for the labels one gay person will put on another.