Daily Dose of Heteronormativity

I had a lot of fun with the folks who labeled Blogher as "heteronormative" – a lot of fun in the sarcastic I’m really annoyed way.  Heteronormativity is a problem but heteronormativity wasn’t a problem at Blogher.  If people really want to point the hteronormative finger at something, then they ought to do it at the real things. 

Let’s look at some recent examples of heteronormativity in my life.

1) I can’t tell you how many forms, online and off, I’ve seen that ask for my gender and then give me only two choices.  Male or female.  That is heteronormativity at work.  Everyone is either male or female in the hetero world.

2) Filling out college enrollment forms, Michelle found a section for information about her mother and her father.  These very specifically said "mother" and "father" not parents.  In the heteronormative world, everyone has a mom and a dad.  Nobody was born of artificial insemination from a sperm donor and raised by two moms.  Nobody was adopted by two dads.  Everyone has both a mom and a dad, or did at one time and should have all of the nice information for those college forms, right?

3) I went to the ER on Saturday.  Upon check-in I was asked if I was single, married, divorced or widowed.  Umm one of the above but also "other".  In the hetero world, everyone is one of those four things.

4) I joined a website for moms recently.  Since the site is for moms, they assumed my gender, which is fine with me.  They then asked me the traditional 4 – single, married, divorced or widowed.  Hmmm.  I am divorced but that doesn’t really cover my status properly.  I am anti-marriage but married fit my situation the best so I chose that one.  Later in the profile process, they asked for my husband’s name.  Umm.  Heteronormitivity at work, folks.

5) If you have a child in your life who goes to school, you’ve invariably seen the all about me worksheets and genealogy assignments.  There are some good worksheets and assignments that simply tell students to chart their parents and their parents parents etc… but more often than not, there’s a spot specifically for a mother and specifically for a father.  No problem in our family, our kids have both but that’s heteronormative – again, what about the kids who were adopted by two dads or inseminted via sperm donor and don’t have fathers but instead have two moms? 

This is the stuff heteronormativity is made of.  What we saw at Blogher wasn’t heteronormativity.  At no time was I asked to fill out a form that made assumptions about my gender or relationship status.  The Mommyblogging panel was not labeled "Mommyblogging is a radical act so you’d better prepare your husband for it." The monetizing panel wasn’t suggesting you monetize your blog so your husband can quit his job and stay home to make videos about his Crocs.  Susie Bright’s sex panel wasn’t labeled "Let’s talk about heterosex." 

No there wasn’t a session specifically labeled GAY but that doesn’t scream heteronormative – it screams inclusiveness.   It means Bloghercon’s organizers had no agenda, they left the agenda up to those who attended the sessions.  It means Bloghercon didn’t make assumptions about the participants instead, they left it up to us to define ourselves.  There is nothing heteronormative about that.