Questions and Answers

Daily Dose of Kids – The Meaning of Life

3 Comments / Day to Day, Kid Talk, Questions and Answers /

I picked the little girls up from school and they both launched into their list of homework for the day.  E happily informed me she had to write a story (as always on Monday).  It had to be a story about a time when she opened a box and could be fiction.  It had to be three whole paragraphs which is bad but it’s ok because she did not have to use her spelling words, yea!  So RJ being RJ launched into ideas for the story.  E grouchily told her NO each time.  So RJ launched into a rambling story about stealing a box from some evil mutant and opening it to find some weird bomb that she would have to difuse in order to save the world.  Upon difusing said bomb the world would be all chocolate and rainbows and happy goodness and at last we’d all know the meaning of life.

I said ummm that sounds like an RJ story and not an E story, so I don’t think it’s a good idea.  A good story, definitely but why the meaning of life, I asked?  "Well duh, everyone wants to know the meaning of life, don’t you," was her reply.  "I already know the meaning of life, so no I don’t need you to difuse a bomb and get some special power.  But thanks".

She was surprised that I knew the meaning of life and wanted me to spill the beans.  So I attempted to explain that some things you have to learn on your own – things like love and God or spirituality and the meaning of life because my answer might not be her answer.  She said "Oh like in Eragon when so and so couldn’t tell so and so his real name because he had to find it himself and get power from that".  Yea, she gets it!

So we talked along this vein for quite some time, pondering the books she’d read where a message like finding the answer for yourself and not accepting someone else’s answer is important.  Sometimes it seemed like she was really understanding this idea and then she’d head off into a ramble about tigers and bears and morphing (she’s an Animorphs fan) and how that’s not real but she learned lessons from that.  But then she’d head back into the other direction and talk some more about how to tell if you’re on the right path to finding the answers to those kinds of questions.  All very interesting, especially the part when she talks about sometimes getting confused about whether something she read in a Fantasy novel was real life and real life was really a fantasy.  Ha, she’s 10 after all!

The kicker of this was the final question, the one she seemed most interested in wanting an answer to… brace yourself… "Is there such thing as a living death?"   huh? she wants to know about vampires or zombies?  So I ask her to define living death.  "When you’re alive but something happens that is so awful you feel like it is death, like you’re dead."  Well.  Ummm.  I took a breath and said "Yes RJ, there is such a thing.  Not everyone has that kind of experience in their life,  but some people do feel like they have experienced a living death.  And if you want to talk about it more, we can do that when you’re older."   Which was fine with her because apparently living death  was a cool thing  because when I said it doesn’t happen to everyone she launched into Eragon again and something about dragon eggs only hatching for some people.  Geez.  So she thinks surving a living death means you’re special, like a dragon hatcher person?  And maybe this is something to strive for?  Are we sure I didn’t give birth to this particular child?   Because sometimes it really seems that way.

At least it appears as though we get to put off real life discussions about emotional pain and dying a thousand deaths for awhile.  Now I just have to figure out how to keep her talking about dragon eggs til she’s 20 or so… any ideas about how to do that?  With this particular child?  Because she’s making me nervous.

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Daily Dose of Questions – Motherhood

3 Comments / Questions and Answers /

I love, love, love Felicity Huffman.  I just fell hard and fast since up until five minutes ago I’d never given her the first thought.  I know she’s in Desperate Housewives and in Transamerica, neither of which I’ve seen.  I know she was in Christmas with the Kranks which I also haven’t seen.  But today, I love her.  Because she just said something that women rarely have the guts to say.  In fact she said two somethings. (take a day pass, folks, it’s worth it!)

I resent you asking me if being a mommy is the best part of my life and I don’t know if I’m a good mother.

No kidding, Felicity.  No kidding.  And it isn’t Lesley Stahl’s business or mine to ask you either of those questions.

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Daily Dose of Mystery – Birds

4 Comments / Questions and Answers /

I made a mistake, it happens so rarely I should have known it would come back to haunt me somehow. The mistake wasn’t a big one, just a little tiny thing but it’s caused some issues and now we have a mystery on our hands.

Quite some time ago, almost 5 years ago actually, I mentioned in passing to TW that I liked flamingos. Lawn flamingos in particular but all flamingos in general.

40flamingos.jpgWell folks, don’t make the same mistake I did. Telling TW you like something leads to being inundated with that thing. In every type, shape and form. From halloween pumpkins carved with a flamingo to flamingo lights of all sizes and types to flamingo statues and yes, yard flamingos. 40 of them for my 40th birthday and a variety of others just for everyday.

After almost 5 years of this, I’ve finally gotten her to stop buying every new flamingo she sees, though others still tend to gift me with flamingos. My sister, (yes THAT sister), sent me clothes for a yard flamingo a couple of years ago. I do not EVER “do” clothes on animals, statues or otherwise. For my birthday last year she sent me the most unusual flamingo trimmed jeans I’ve ever seen. Anyway, you get the point right? They don’t call our house The Flamingo House for nothing.

This brings us to the mystery, well almost to the mystery.

We live in Florida where the lottery symbol is the flamingo. We live in a state where there are simply a lot of flamingos. Wild, in zoos, in stores, store logos – you name it, Flamingos.

Oddly enough, in our college town, you don’t see many lawn flamingos. At least not in the neighborhoods we travel through. But all of a sudden, the folks down the street have acquired a couple of flamingos. Only in the winter. And they wear wool scarves and they move, from yard to yard. Though never to our house. They seem to prefer the houses at the bottom of the hill which is fine by me because I ummm have enough.

And a house around the corner, they too have acquired flamingos but they don’t seem to travel from house to house. Maybe because they have lightbulbs and know they need to stick close to home or risk losing their light? I dunno, I haven’t asked them why they don’t travel.
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So as we are pondering the recent acquisition of flamingos, by apparently straight folks (because I know you were guessing gay people had moved in, weren’t you?), a new bird appeared in our yard. Overnight.

It’s not a flamingo but it goes well with our flamingos. Except that it is orange and blue, gator color, which I’m not really a fan of. At first we thought he was rainbow colored but he’s not. Various shades of orange and blue. Hmm. Where did he come from and when is he leaving?

We thought maybe the 1/2 child left him as a surprise. But no, he swears he has no clue and he’s not a good liar. We asked the friends of the 1/2 child and the other two teens in the house. Huh? was the response. I finally remembered to ask Chris last night and he was completely confused. He thought I was going to ask him to fix one of the birds or move it or do some other chore. When he realized there was a new one in the yard, he first said “ha I hadn’t noticed” and then said “ummm who would bring you another yard bird?” I didn’t bother to clarify that chickens are yardbirds and this is not a chicken.

While asking him, the small children overheard my confusion so I asked them if they knew anything about it. Ha, they hadn’t noticed either. (We’re one heck of an observant family or we’re just use to weird birds living in our front yard – you guess which it is)

So where did this thing come from? Why is it here? Will it someday disappear again? Soon maybe? Would any of you like to come pick it up? Maybe I could freecycle it? But then if someone left it for us as a gift, (Maybe one of the many neighborhood fans of mamma cat?) might they have their feelings hurt if it went away?

It’s a mystery and it’s keeping me up nights.

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Daily Dose of Questions – Koolaid

Day to Day, News and Politics, Questions and Answers /

"Drink the Koolaid."  Where did that come from?



I know where the phrase "drink the koolaid" comes from.  I know all about Jim Jones and his little kool-aid  (though it appears that it was Flavor-aid and not Kool-aid) fun.  I understand it, please don’t assume I’m just culturally clueless – my children may be, but I am not.



What I’m confused about is why everyone seems to be using the phrase.  I went for a good 20 years without ever hearing this said by anyone other than a Girl Scout leader or a kindergarten teacher. 



Is it the current political scene causing the mass useage of this phrase or is it the current "scene" in my own little world?  Are you folks in the blogosphere hearing "just drink the kool-aid" or "those people are just drinking the kool-aid" as often as I am?  Are you, like me, saying it??? 



I don’t want to drink the kool-aid and I certainly don’t want to hear myself suggesting it to someone else.  It makes me a little queasy, and not just because I don’t like kool-aid either. 



Buy into the party line, follow the leader business, nasty dirty stuff, isn’t it?



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Daily Dose of Travel – Underwear and Socks

6 Comments / Questions and Answers, Travel Log /

I’ve been saving this What we’re taking list of Lee and Sachi’s for days now.  It’s interesting to think about what to pack on a year long trip around the world.  And it’s even more interesting to peek at someone else’s list.  Go ahead, give it a click.  It’s sort of fascinating, isn’t it?

I’m a light packer and I like that they’ve gone pretty light (except for all of the technology and medication – I’d go half on all of that).  I keep going back to the underwear (especially since they’ve vowed never to wear dirty underwear for more than 5 days) and the socks.  Especially the socks.  There is nothing worse than wet socks except of course dirty, wet socks.  I think they need to ditch all of that deodorant and each take at least one more pair of socks.

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Daily Dose of Life – Cold Water Communication

Community Chest, Day to Day, News and Politics, Personality, Pet Peeves, Questions and Answers, Religion /

When the older three children were small, they did not like lasagna.  (To put it mildly.) They would happily eat boiled lasagna noodles with a serving of sauce on the side and a serving of cottage cheese and mozzarella on the side but put it all together and they would act like you were trying to feed them brussel sprouts.   They knew that all of those things that they would happily eat, separate, made up lasagna and a couple of them loved to make lasagna but they would not eat it.

The youngest went further than not liking it, she would proclaim her disdain loudly if she even saw lasagna on a restaurant menu or if she saw the noodles in the commissary (that’s supermarket for you non-military people) or smelled it cooking in the oven.  She would tell us how horrible it was all through dinner and how it would probably KILL us if we kept eating it.  We’d send her off to eat in another room and she’d still be mumbling about the horrors of lasagna when she brought her clean plate into the kitchen.

Moving right along…

I have some friends who have complete and utter disdain for all things religion.  They continually share the horrors of religion with us.  They never share any positive stories about the good done in the name of a religion.  If you’re lucky enough to be standing in front of them and mention something about your church or the positive experience you’ve had through religion you can see them cringe.  If you’re lucky enough to be sharing this information with them online, they do an internet cringe or worse yet, they get snarky. 

I’m not really a religious person.  I don’t do God or The Goddess or Buddha or any other deity you want to bring up.  I do however enjoy attending the local UU Fellowship.  When I mentioned this once, in the course of a morning hello post, to some internet friends, one threw cold water on my good feelings so completely I couldn’t breathe for a moment. 

And here we are, the point of this…

Why do people do this type of thing?  We all do it to some extent but why do some people do it so often and so intensely?   

Spanglemonkey suggested that a recent instance of narrow-mindedness was in part due to age, or lack of.  The idealism of youth.  The ability to see things only as black or white, right or wrong, good or evil. 

My children definitely outgrew their hatred of lasagna, (though some love it more than others).  But people don’t seem to outgrow the inability to open their minds.  Why is that?  Why do some of us respond with “If I don’t get this, it’s not true” and others don’t?  What causes a person to focus only on what they see and dismiss anyone who sees something else entirely?

Is it lack of identity that causes this type of narrow-mindedness?  Are these people so busy trying to protect themselves that they can’t allow themselves to see from someone else’s point of view?  Is it fear of the unknown?  Or is it all of those things?

My children didn’t eat lasagna for years because it was unknown, it looked like something other than they were use to but they braved their fear, and they tried it.  My friends may never step out of their safety zone and look at spirituality in a way that might positively affect their lives but I do hope they learn to appreciate the good feelings and the good work that their spiritual friends have found and do through religion.  Or at least be respectful.

All I ask, all I have ever asked, is that when someone presents an idea that is foreign to you, do not give a knee-jerk reaction.  When someone shares their good feelings, don’t throw cold water.  And, when someone suggests a new form of building community and shows you example after example of how it has worked, do not dismiss it because you can’t see its benefit to YOU.  (And oddly enough, this isn’t directed at my new blogging pal, DnW – she was pretty open minded for a stubborn woman!) 

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Daily Dose of Kids – Questions

Foodie, Kid Talk, Questions and Answers, Sights & Sounds, Travel Log /

After dinner at the Cuban Cafe around the corner we walked to the other end of the strip mall and popped into the independent bookstore that TW is always begging to go in. (I don’t generally agree because we spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars that we do not have on books! We just got out of debt and I’m not ready for a $500 book spree yet. Ask me again in a few months).

While in Goerings, TW gathered books for me to peek at and put on our library reserve list (I love my library) and had The Kids’ Book of Questions in her hand. The library definitely wouldn’t have that and you can never have too many question books on the shelf if you work in community and live with the woman who built The Question Library, so I bought it. After that, ice cream. (Ugh, the chocolate dipped key lime pie was not a good idea for me.)

While enjoying the ice cream and driving the kids back to the “blue house” TW asked the kids questions. Of course, the over-used and much-hated (by me) question “If you had a time machine and could travel either back or forward in time, which would you choose?” came up. I groan everytime someone asks that question on a message board. I’d rather have someone ask me if my boyfriend will kiss my stretch marks than hear that question. (I don’t have a boyfriend but if I did, he’d better or he wouldn’t be my boyfriend.)

J of course said he would travel back and take over the world so that when he returned from his visit he would still be the ruler of the world. Typical. Boring. I hate that dumb question.

E would go back in time and see how the dinosaurs really became extinct. (What is it about her and dinosaurs lately, weird and I forgot to show her the cute 3 kid circus dinosaur vblog entry today, darn it) Again pretty boring and typical and I really hate that dumb question.

Then, there’s RJ. She’s 9 and I love her. And she finally gave an answer I adore. It’s even better than Blaze, Debra Ginsberg’s son (Raising Blaze) who wanted to travel through time to the Ace Hardware Store, just because that’s where he wanted to go.

RJ said – she wanted to go back to when the earth was created and find out once and for all whether it was a big bang, evolution or creation or WHAT. Ha, nice new answer. One I’ve never heard. One that’s worth going back in time to discover the answer to.

Gosh I love that question now.

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