March 2007

The blog posts slamming meankids and other sites like them can come off sounding a little bit too judgemental for me. I know that probably sounds funny considering the post I just made. I’m not going to pretend that I’m some angel or some perfect “digital citizen” (who said that over on the Stop Cyberbullying group? I don’t know, forgive me whoever it was. Ah the coolcat teacher, I should have known instantly.) I couldn’t pretend because I’m sure there would be people who would drop dead from laughter or out of anger if I even attempted it. I’ve made some snarky blog entries around here. Usually just a sentence or two, tucked in here and there. One of them made Scoble laugh and he even commented on my blog! (Darn blogger didn’t import comments so I lost that momentous event but I remember it!) I’ve also made some comments on blogs (and on boards and email lists) that I knew would cause a stir or get a rise out of someone (hi KB! smooch!) I am no angel but I am not a mean kid.

I will also disclose that I am currently subscribed to one blog that spends a considerable amount of time bashing celebrities. I am subscribed to it and skim it for items that I think my older children may be hearing about or reading about. I’m often tempted to unsubscribe because it makes me feel slimey. I was also subscribed to a blog that spends a considerable amount of time, though less lately, bashing key mommybloggers. The reason I subscribed to it and left it in my feedreader was because I was trying to figure out why these sites are created and why they cause such a frenzy. I was doing this for my personal us/them thoughts and for my professional life as well. I deal with online communities and the more I can figure out about how people think and work and interact with each other, the better off I am. I’m no longer subscribed to this site. I think I’ve learned all I can learn – which wasn’t much.

I said before that I don’t have any respect for sites like meankids and I mean it. I don’t. And I have a hard time maintaining respect for the people who participate in them and link them and laugh over them. I don’t get it. I don’t understand what they get out of it, particularly some of the most popular and well-respected people in the blogosphere. I actually unsubscribed from one woman’s blog a couple of weeks ago simply because she was actively linking to meankids – before that, I thought she was fantastic. She may still be fantastic, but her links colored my view of her and I no longer enjoyed reading her blog. I found I no longer cared about her personal life or her professional views.

KK and others are asking whether sites like meankids have a right to exist. I have a hard time saying that they don’t. I also have a hard time saying groups like the KKK don’t have a right to exist. I’m the one who stands up for the religious right members who consistently bash gays and lesbians – and I am a lesbian.

I said in comments on BlogHer that I didn’t think there was a real solution to the issues we’re all focusing on right now and I believe that. There are people in the world who resort to misogynist comments, racially motivated attacks and stereotypes, hate speech, manipulation and threats. Those people obviously exist in the blogosphere. You can’t stone them, you can’t take away their internet connection. If you don’t like them, don’t agree with them then it is unfortunately up to you to figure out how to live beside them. How do you do that without stooping to their level, we’re all human after all? How do you do that without letting them intimidate you into moving to a new neighborhood or a new job or ending your participation in online discussions?

I don’t know but I’m thrilled that so many people are interested in talking about this.

Last year’s us/them phone calls were a wonderful thing. The discussions we had within that very small group were tremendously helpful simply because we could vent, question, and even debate these topics safely. The discussions going on now are very similar – just on a much larger scale and I am really loving this.

Shelley said in a BlogHer comment that she didn’t think a banner or a civility pledge were going to be the solution. She’s right. But the discussion around civility and banners is the only solution we have. As long as people are talking about this and thinking about this then we can work on ways to cope with hate speech and net rage (thanks swamphag!) Discussions and pledges of support to victims of these attacks, are the solution. Pledges of civility, as long as they are acted on, are the solution. Refusal to support those who find these sites acceptable are another type of solution.

I’ve already said that I will not support the sites that are created simply to attack, demean, intimidate or harrass others and I mean that. If I see someone linking or participating in such a community, I’m going to speak out. I’m not going to “feed the trolls,” this isn’t about trolls. There’s a difference, a very big difference.

I am no angel. I will still drop an occasional bit of snark here and there. I will stir the pot occasionally. That’s who I am. But I’m not mean and I don’t do hate. That’s my solution.

Technorati Tags: meankids, netrage, hatespeech, usthem, solutions

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I would write about Kathy Sierra’s post. I’ve read a LOT of blog posts and a lot more comments and nothing I’ve read has caused me to change my mind. And believe me, I’ve considered this all very carefully. All of that pondering is why it has taken me this long to write this post, the one I wanted to write the very first night as I read email after email saying we shouldn’t blog about this, we shouldn’t link Sierra, we shouldn’t “feed the trolls”, we shouldn’t attach ourselves to the post because Kathy named names… because Kathy over-reacted…

Bullshit. Excuse me, but that’s the way I feel.

To the people who have felt the need to post things like “oh nobody should get death threats but I get them all of the time and I just shrug them off” (inferring somehow that Sierra wasn’t strong enough because she couldn’t – or was just trying to stir up trouble…) – bullshit.

If you choose to accept this type of treatment, then that’s your decision but do not ever hold someone else to your standards when it comes to something this serious. If you truly are afraid, for your physical or emotional safety then it is your right to say something and to do whatever it takes to feel safe. If you’ve never felt that type of fear then you have no right to say “well I deal with it, so should you.” I’m also tempted to say it is your responsibility as a citizen to speak up, to stop this before more people are hurt. But that’s going too far. Not everyone feels the need to protect others.

To the people, who said that Sierra made unfounded accusations or has caused harm to innocent people by pointing fingers – bullshit. (And I’m just linking Shelley here, though I could link dozens more, because it was her post that I replied to first when all of this started and because I think she will understand that I still respect her and have had some good discussions with her in the comments at Blogher. I’m not sure others I could link to would understand. Trust is important, and I do trust Shelley.)

Kathy didn’t make unfounded accusations nor did she do harm to innocent people. What she said in her blog post was true and I don’t consider those she named to be innocent.

a group of bloggers including Listics’ Frank Paynter, prominent marketing blogger Jeneane Sessum, and Raving Lunacy Allen Herrel (aka Head Lemur) began participating on a (recently pulled) blog called meankids.org.

This is true, none have attempted to deny their participation in meankids.

The “Bob’s Yer Uncle” site was supposedly started by Cluetrain co-author Chris Locke (who, along with Jeaneane Sessum, also authors the Kat Herding Media site) and included most of the same members as meankids.

Also true.

I don’t know which particiant actually made the picture. It may have been Joey, or Chris Locke, or perhaps Allen Herrel… the same Herrel (or someone pretending to be Herrel) who added these frighteningly misogynistic comments on a different Unclebobism post: (***images w/ Herrel’s name attached to them***)

True because she clearly said she doesn’t know and Herrel OR SOMEONE PRETENDING TO BE HERREL.

I do not want to be part of a culture where this is done not by some random person, but by some of the most respected people in the tech blogging world. People linked to by A-listers like Doc Searls, a co-author of Chris Locke. I do not want to be part of a culture of such hypocrisy where Jeneane Sessum can be a prominent member of blogher, a speaker at industry conferences, an outspoken advocate for women’s rights, and at the same time celebrate and encourage a site like meankids — where objectification of women is taken to a level that makes plain old porn seem quaintly sweet.

(Of course, Frank and Jeneane are among the people who make outraged posts about the lack of female speakers at tech conferences. If THIS is what a woman has to put up with for having visibility in the tech world…)

These are her feelings about the type of community she does not want to be a part of. She does not say that any of these people sent her death threats, made the particular post with the noose or added the sexually violent images and text. She says they “celebrate and encourage” a site like meankids… and they most certainly did. And meankids WAS offensive and full of misogynist behavior, long before the attack on Sierra. ***Harrell did write to Doc to say he’d been the victim of identity theft, that doesn’t let him off the hook in my eyes. If it’s true, and I have no reason to believe it isn’t, then it simply means he didn’t write the comments that Sierra clearly said could have been posted by “someone claiming to be Harrell”. He was still involved with the community, just as the others Sierra mentioned were.

Kathy did not ever say anything that wasn’t out there for all of the world to see (and in some cases still available thanks to Google.) I have no respect for sites like meankids and I will not read the blogs or link to the participants of these sites. Nor will I support their personal or professional endeavors as long as they encourage and/or participate in this type of site.

I’ll be back again at some point to blog about sites like the defunct meankids. Until then, I respectfully disagree with many of you.

Technorati Tags: kathysierra, meankids, deaththreats, personalattacks, netrage, onlinecommunities